IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

Raising children is one of the most important missions for many countries. It is recently updated that new mothers and new fathers should take trainings before getting a child. To what extent do you agree ?

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An increasing number of infant has become a purpose for some countries to raise their population. These days, the governments have stipulated that new parents should take the orientation
knowledge
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 prior to having a
child
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.
This
Linking Words
 notion has a positive impact on mature adults to gain
knowledge
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 of finance in a family
as well as
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 the proper way to educate a
child
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 before they have a son or a daughter.
Furthermore
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, The writer will discuss more in
this
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 essay. Grasping the
knowledge
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 of financial management as a family is necessary for early adults. It could elevate their critical thinking on managing their money.
For example
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, they would buy goods only if it is important and urgently needed rather than following their desire to buy a thing.
Furthermore
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, they would categorize their needs by the level of urgency
such
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 as, primary, secondary, and tertiary.
Moreover
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, training classes before having children would be great for prospective parents since it will enrich them with the
knowledge
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 of
child
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 education.
As a result
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, in the future, it will make them understand the superb way to educate their
child
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 based on their traits and behaviour
For instance
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, parents who have already learned how to respond to an autistic kid will be more prepared in the future if they have one. In conclusion, carrying out the purpose of increasing the number of descendants for some countries is necessary.
However
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, it is
also
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 recommended to simultaneously establish training classes for prospective fathers and mothers to educate them with the
knowledge
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 of financial management and a proper way to teach their sons or daughters.

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task achievement
Try to address the topic more explicitly in the introduction. Emphasize how training new parents can benefit society, not just the individuals involved.
coherence cohesion
Make sure each paragraph flows smoothly into the next. Use more linking words to enhance the cohesion, like 'Additionally,' 'Moreover,' or 'In contrast.'
task achievement
Try to develop your points further with more specific examples and data, if possible. This demonstrates a deeper understanding and supports your argument better.
coherence cohesion
Be mindful of minor grammatical errors, such as incorrect article usage and awkward phrasing. These can sometimes detract from the overall clarity and professionalism of the essay.
task achievement
The essay addresses the topic and provides a clear stance on the issue.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction clearly sets up the essay, and the conclusion effectively summarizes the main points.
supported main points
Main ideas are generally clear and relevant to the topic. The examples provided are pertinent and help illustrate the points being made.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • parenting skills
  • well-adjusted children
  • pre-parental training
  • child abuse and neglect
  • emotional support
  • infringe on personal freedoms
  • natural instinct
  • culturally sensitive
  • one-size-fits-all approach
  • feasibility
  • governmental control
  • privacy and autonomy
  • social support systems
  • healthcare
  • education
  • financial aid
  • mandatory
  • voluntary
  • community
  • isolation
  • overwhelm
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