Many people are becoming obesity.What causes of this and how to solve this problem

Obesity-is
Correct your spelling
Obesity is
show examples
collecting except fat. It
maybe
Correct your spelling
may be
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very bad for health. People start to
carrying
Wrong verb form
carry
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a few pounds because of unhealthy living. People suffer from
the
Correct article usage
apply
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different
illness
Fix the agreement mistake
illnesses
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because of
obesity
.
For example
heart illnesses,
raising
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rising
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
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blood pressure, problems
at
Change preposition
with
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
breathing
and
Correct word choice
apply
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etc.
Obesity
's
mai
Correct your spelling
main
reason
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
eating a lot of
meal
Fix the agreement mistake
meals
show examples
and unhealthy lifestyle. Today in the world, we often see children
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
eating lots of fast foods and doing a few physical exercises.
For beating
Change preposition
To beat
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Obesity
, we must give enough information to children about healthy
lifestyle
Fix the agreement mistake
lifestyles
show examples
.
Also
, regular activities and exercises can beat
obesity
. And that
very
Add a missing verb
is very
show examples
useful for
healthy
Add an article
a healthy
show examples
lifestyle .
Submitted by nazirovmuhammad71 on

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coherence cohesion
Consider providing a more formal and well-structured introduction and conclusion to give your essay a polished look.
task achievement
Be sure to include more specific examples and elaborate on your points to make your arguments more compelling.
task achievement
Pay attention to grammatical accuracy and sentence structure to make your ideas clearer and more professional.
task achievement
You have correctly identified obesity as a significant health issue and have mentioned some of its related problems.
coherence cohesion
Your essay includes some strategies to combat obesity, which indicates a good awareness of the topic.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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