"Fatherhood ought to be emphasized as much as motherhood. The idea that women are solely responsible for deciding whether or not to have babies leads on to the idea that they are also responsible for bringing the children up." To what extent do you agree or disagree?
In the contemporary world, it is a controversial argument that the father's role is as important as the mother's in the children’s lives from the initial steps. I agree with
this
extent so I will discuss its reasons in the essay.
There are two main factors that contribute to my opinion. Linking Words
Firstly
, due Linking Words
the
current busy Change preposition
to the
life styles
, people have a really hectic schedule for their lives, Correct your spelling
lifestyles
therefore
it would not be possible to decide on having a baby solely and both parents must be involved with it. Linking Words
For example
, if the woman decides to bring a baby, she will not be able to tolerate the upcoming situation without dividing responsibilities, it might be financial or physical and even psychological. Linking Words
Secondly
, the other reason is the equality of genders which leads families to a different approach from the past. Linking Words
For instance
, it was an old viewpoint that mothers are all responsible for the baby’s stuff and housekeeping. Nowadays, women have the same role in society as men.
Linking Words
On the other hand
, women have the maternal instinct and it is an inevitable idea that
They care more about children, Linking Words
however
, it does not influence their amount of responsibilities, and both parents have an equal duty in the family from deciding to have a baby to nurture him or her.
In conclusion, fatherhood and motherhood are Linking Words
in
the same importance level for Change preposition
of
the
families Correct article usage
apply
due to
Linking Words
the
reasonable ideas. Change the word
their
While
people might think mothers are more careful about babies, fathers should be as responsible as mothers.Linking Words
Submitted by ostorr7213 on
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task achievement
You have provided a complete response to the task, addressing both aspects of the question (the importance of fatherhood and the distribution of responsibilities). However, you can strengthen your task achievement by adding more detailed and specific examples to illustrate your points.
task achievement
Aim to make your ideas clearer and more comprehensive by elaborating on them further. For instance, you could explain how shared responsibilities can positively impact child development, or provide statistics or studies to support the importance of fatherhood.
coherence cohesion
While you have a logical structure, some parts of the essay could be more tightly connected. For example, you could use more transitional phrases to link your ideas smoothly and improve the overall cohesion of your essay.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present and effectively frame the essay. However, the conclusion could be slightly longer to better summarize the key points discussed.
coherence cohesion
Consider providing more specific examples to support your main points. This will help in backing up your arguments more convincingly and improving overall coherence.
task achievement
Your essay effectively addresses the prompt and responds to the task by discussing both the responsibilities in deciding to have children and in raising them.
coherence cohesion
The introduction clearly states your opinion and what the essay will discuss.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion succinctly sums up your argument.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.