IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people think we should do more to prevent crimes, while others believe that we can do little for this problem. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In the contemporary era,
crime
Use synonyms
 rates have increased rapidly in comparison with the previous years.Many individuals argue that it is our responsibility to prevent illegal
activities
Use synonyms
,
whereas
Linking Words
 a few groups of
people
Use synonyms
 say we can not contribute much towards the prevention of
crime
Use synonyms
.In my opinion,I agree with the former view,because awareness and protection are responsibilities of everyone, I will discuss both viewpoints in the upcoming paragraphs. On the one hand,some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that reducing the
crime
Use synonyms
 rate is everyone's duty and I agree with them.
Firstly
Linking Words
, awareness camps are run by the government,but very few
people
Use synonyms
 are participating with them,
therefore
Linking Words
,the success rate of
this
Linking Words
 strategy is very low. If the majority of the population is involved,there will be significant positive outcomes.
For example
Linking Words
,
according to
Linking Words
 a recent survey,there is the least population participating from the rural areas in awareness programs.Another reason is not following the guidelines of the authorities.There are lots of illegal
activities
Use synonyms
 reported,because of not obeying the rules and regulations
such
Linking Words
 as drink and driving,overspeeding and misuse of the internet.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,other
people
Use synonyms
 stated that we cannot help more to stop criminal
activities
Use synonyms
.First and foremost, it is all up to the higher authorities to tackle
this
Linking Words
 situation.To elaborate, the government bodies should take strict actions against the
people
Use synonyms
,who are breaking the rules ,so others can learn from that.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, schools and universities may put more focus on educating young students,because they are the main culprits, who are largely part of these
crime
Use synonyms
 reports.
For instance
Linking Words
,
according to
Linking Words
 one police survey, 30-35% of youngsters are involved in criminal events every year. In conclusion,though a few
people
Use synonyms
 believe that it is all the responsibility of the authorities,I feel that
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is combined approach from every citizen and the government will help to reduce illegal
activities
Use synonyms
 as soon as possible.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
You have effectively addressed the essay prompt by discussing both views and giving your opinion. However, you could expand a bit more on both perspectives for a more comprehensive response.
coherence
While the essay is generally clear, there are moments where connecting ideas within a paragraph could be smoother. Ensure that each idea flows logically into the next.
general
Make sure to proofread for minor grammatical errors and punctuation, such as unnecessary commas and missing spaces after punctuation marks.
coherence
Your introduction and conclusion are clearly present, providing a good framework for your essay.
task achievement
You provide relevant and specific examples to support your main points, such as the survey about rural participation in awareness programs.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: