Some people think that Olympic games are exciting events that bring other nations together. Others say Olympic is a waste of money and the money could be better spent on other things. Discuss both view and give your own opinion.
Presently, the topic of the role of games in Olympic competition is an important point. From my perspective, money should be invested in other factors relating to resident's
life
rather than used for these sports organizations.
It is vital to understand that such
investment could be made for other aspects of life
, especially for developing countries
that have little concern for sporting events. Take the UK as an example, the country known its
luxury and wealth. There are still many slums and underprivileged areas, showing a large gap between the rich and the poor in society. Change preposition
for its
This
situation is evidence of the need for financial support from governments in the most basic living standards, obviously excluding the craving for winning a sporting game like the Olympics
.
However
, people who advocate for the Olympics
might have their own reasoning. Due to
the fact that joining this
competition will create opportunities for nations to enhance international relationships, possibly becoming a foundation for their future cooperation. As a result
, these nations become potential allies in more than one aspect of sporting competition. This
may be true but without having to participate in sports festivals, countries
can create business relationships in other less expensive and more profitable ways such
as research or construction projects.
I contended that it would be better if the government paid attention to the quality of individuals 'lives other than these sporting events. As such
, instead
of investing in organizing the Olympics
which is overpriced the main responsibility of heads of state should be to create opportunities for people to have a fulfilling life
, not to satisfy the entertainment of the rich or elite. Thus
, if governments do not improve the living standards for residents, the economy in these countries
will be undeveloped and there will be lack
of talented people Correct article usage
a lack
also
there will be no chances to join the Olympics
.
In conclusion, while
the Olympic games can make relationships between different countries
, I still think that making a better life
for humans is the top priority that governments should do
.Verb problem
make
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task achievement
While your stance is clear, some points lack depth and specificity. Try to provide more detailed examples and expand on arguments to enhance your position.
coherence cohesion
Some sentences could be clearer. Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea, and use linking words to improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs.
task achievement
Your introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion by presenting both viewpoints.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a well-structured introduction and conclusion, reinforcing your arguments clearly.
task achievement
The main points are adequately supported, but there's room for more detailed examples.
coherence cohesion
The logical progression of ideas is mostly maintained throughout the essay.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.