SOME PEOPLE SAY THAT ALL PEOPLE SHOULD STAY IN FULL-TIME EDUCATION UNTIL THEY ARE AT LEAST 18 YEARS OLD. TO WHAT EXTENT DO YOU AGREE OR DISAGREE?
PEOPLE WOULD ARGUE THAT FOLLOWING STUDY UNTIL 18
YEARS
OLD IS A VITAL ROLE PART OF INDIVIDUAL DEVELOPMENT AND VALUABLE ADVANCEMENT. THERE ARE A RANGE OF REASONS THAT CAN PROVE THAT STUDYING AT LEAST 18 Use synonyms
YEARS
OLD SHOULD BE COMPULSORY IN INDIVIDUAL'S LIVES.
IT IS VITAL TO UNDERSTAND THAT FOLLOWING FOR EDUCATION TO GAIN AT LEAST Use synonyms
HIGHSCHOOL
QUALIFICATIONCorrect your spelling
HIGH SCHOOL
,
BECAUSE BEING A PERSON WHO HAS Remove the comma
apply
KNOWLEDGE
HAS MUCH MORE ADVANTAGEOUS IN WORK Use synonyms
AS WELL AS
SOCIAL LIFE IN THE FUTURE. Linking Words
AS A RESULT
, HAVING STUDIED UNTIL 18 Linking Words
YEARS
OLD IS KEY TO ALLOWING INDIVIDUALS TO APPLY FOR SOME SIGNIFICANT OCCUPATIONS THAT ITS SUITABLE FOR INDIVIDUAL SITUATIONS CAREERS. Use synonyms
FOR EXAMPLE
, THERE ARE A LOT OF COMPANIES THAT EMPLOY SWEATED LABOUR JOBS WITHOUT HIGH REQUIREMENTS A UNIVERSITY FOUNDATION. IN MODERN SOCIETY, IF YOU WERE TO GET A STABLE CAREER AND HAVE THE ABILITY TO SUPPORT YOURSELF AND YOUR FAMILY, YOU WOULD HAVE COMPLETED YOUR STUDIES AT LEAST IN HIGH SCHOOL BECAUSE EDUCATION IS THE SHORTEST WAY TO BRIDGE THE GAP IN YOUR SUCCESS.
Linking Words
ADDITIONALLY
, BEING Linking Words
ONE
'S OWN Use synonyms
KNOWLEDGE
MEANS Use synonyms
ONE
WILL HAVE MORE AUTONOMY AND POWER TO MAKE Use synonyms
ONE
'S LIFE DECISIONS. Use synonyms
MOREOVER
, HAVING Linking Words
KNOWLEDGE
PROVIDES INDIVIDUALS WITH FREEDOM OF SPEECH AND EXPRESSION Use synonyms
AS WELL AS
CONTRIBUTES THE Linking Words
KNOWLEDGE
ADVANCEMENT AND THE RATES OF INTELLECTUAL LEVEL IN OUR COUNTRY. Use synonyms
ONE
STAND-OUT EXAMPLE IS THE AVERAGE NUMBER OF RESIDENTS IN SINGAPORE WHO HAVE A LEVEL OF EDUCATION RANGING FROM A HIGH DEGREE TO AN ORDINARY DEGREE WHICH IS Use synonyms
ONE
OF THE BENEFITS OF THE DEVELOPED IMPORTANCE OF SINGAPORE Use synonyms
AS WELL AS
OTHER COUNTRIES.
IN CONCLUSION, I SUPPORT THE IDEA THAT STUDYING AT LEAST 18 Linking Words
YEARS
OLD IS THE NECESSARY. MY REASON IS THAT IT ALLOWS INDIVIDUALS TO GAIN MORE OPPORTUNITIES, WHICH COULD HELP Use synonyms
ONE
'S CAREER SATISFACTION LEVEL.Use synonyms
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coherence cohesion
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coherence cohesion
Introduce a clearer thesis statement in the introduction. It can guide the reader on what to expect in the essay.
task achievement
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task achievement
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coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are both present and provide a clear framework for your essay.
task achievement
You have addressed the task adequately, focusing on the reasons why education until age 18 should be compulsory.
task achievement
Your points are generally clear and relevant to the topic.
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