IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people think that cities are the best places to live. Others prefer to live in a rural area. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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In
this
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 contemporary epoch, living in
cities
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 is an essential topic to discuss and analyze at the same time that most
people
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 are engaged daily. In the recent time,
this
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 point is important.
Otherwise
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, it is controversial. It is important to speak about the pros and cons of living in
cities
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 for
people
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. There are some distinctive benefits of living in
cities
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.
First,
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people
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 can find lots of job opportunities. There have been immense advances in living in
cities
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 in most aspects of the lives of
people
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.
In other words
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, it is active in every realm of
society
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. Individuals believe in the role of living in
cities
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 in
society
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. It will impact in a positive way on
people
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.
Second,
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living in
cities
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 is safer for
people
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 specifically families. I work as a host aviation, and I understand that living in
cities
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 is very necessary for
people
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. When I travel to several countries, I discover the importance of living in
cities
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 in their societies. A new study from the University of London shows that in 2024 the evolution of crime in
cities
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 decreased dramatically. On the other side, there are myriad negatives. One of them is that
cities
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 are too annoying because of being crowded. Facts in
this
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 field have proved that it has an impact on
society
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.
Also
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,
people
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 who live in
cities
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 may spend lots of money because everything in
cities
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 is commercialized.
For instance
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,
people
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 who rent bikes in
cities
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 spend around 100$ compared to rural they spend only 14%. Some important research proves that it regularly causes problems.
Consequently
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, these are the major reasons why a vast number of
people
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 go to other options.
To sum up
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, living in
cities
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 has brought many benefits to
society
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.
However
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, it is likely to produce many negative effects soon, but
people
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 cannot stop depending on it.

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task achievement
Your essay addresses both perspectives of the topic and presents a clear opinion; however, it can benefit from more comprehensive examples and specific details. Try to elaborate more on your points with concrete examples and facts to strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, make sure each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. Consider using more varied transition words and phrases to guide the reader through your arguments logically. Additionally, your introduction and conclusion should better encapsulate the main points for a more cohesive structure.
coherence cohesion
Your essay can benefit from a more organized introduction that states the central topic and your opinion more clearly. Make sure your conclusion summarizes your key points effectively and reinforces your stance.
task achievement
Your essay effectively discusses both positive and negative aspects of living in cities versus rural areas, which shows a good understanding of the topic.
task achievement
The use of personal experiences and studies, such as the reference to the University of London's study, adds a personal touch and credibility to your argument.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear structure in your essay, with distinct paragraphs that address different aspects of the topic.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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