IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

T WHEN ASKED TO CHOOSE BETWEEN A LIFE WITHOUT WORK AND WORKING MOST OF THE TIME, PEOPLE WOULD ALWAYS CHOOSE NOT TO WORK. DO YOU AGREE OR DISAGREE WITH THIS STATEMENT?

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To choose between a
life
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 in which the public does not have to
work
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 and a
life
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 that demands everyone to
work
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 most of the
time
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, there is a majority of people who want to live a
life
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 with no production.
However
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,
this
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 writer believes that humans need to be hard-working every day
due to
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 its benefits in financial enhancement and
work
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promotion
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. It is vital to understand that if human live a hard-working
life
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 they can easily improve their finance. It is true that when a crowd produce in a long term or an extra shift they can earn more money.
For instance
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, an employee who works on holidays can get more money from their boss or company because they have to
work
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while
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 they can relax and enjoy their own vacation.
Thus
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, working most of the
time
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 can help a lot in improving human finance. Another key component of the case for working in the long term is
work
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promotion
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. It should be self-evident that if the crowd spend more
time
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 working, they can easily get the
work
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promotion
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 because of their attempts which is clear evidence of their contribution to the company and they have to sacrifice their spare
time
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 merely to
work
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.
As a consequence
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, these efforts will help them to be more promoted in their career path.
Therefore
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, working for a long period of
life
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 can help them get a job
promotion
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. In conclusion, being hard working most of the
time
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 can help humans to get financial enhancement and job
promotion
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.
Therefore
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, it should have been demonstrated that working most of the
time
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 is an essential part of each human’s
life
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.

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task achievement
To improve task achievement, consider expanding on your points with more specific examples and detailed arguments. Adding these elements would make your essay more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Work on connecting sentences and paragraphs even more smoothly. While the logical structure is good, varying your linking words and phrases can enhance the overall coherence.
coherence cohesion
The essay presents a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps in framing the argument effectively.
task achievement
The main points are well-supported and relevant to the topic, showing a clear understanding of the prompt.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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