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Band 8

Some people think that competition at work, at school and in daily life is a good thing. Others believe that we should try to cooperate more, rather than competing against each other. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #competition #work #school #life
Some would argue that being competitive in every field is beneficial to individuals,
while
 others counter that it is better to be collaborative with our peers.
This
 essay will make the case that even though competing against each other helps build strong characteristics, collaboration is a more helpful skill that each person should have later in life. On the one hand, the desire for victory will construct personal traits that will cultivate a fulfilled person with an undefeatable mentality.
That is
 to say that when people deny losing, they will try their best and work really hard in order to achieve their lofty goals.
As a result
, they will be resilient and determined regardless of the challenges they might face.
For example
, Cristiano Ronaldo, who is considered the best footballer of all time said that striving for a win every time he plays is an integral part of his successful career because it never allows him to give up.
However
, I believe that human beings should have the ability to work and communicate well with each other because nobody can do everything alone.
On the other hand
, cooperation should be preferred since it's the most essential life skill that everyone must possess.
This
 is because humans are not designed to handle everything on their own. If individuals know how to pool others' strengths and collaborate effectively, it will be more likely that they will achieve success since they can share lots of strain with their coworkers.
For instance
, Pham Nhat Vuong, who is the richest entrepreneur in Viet Nam, started his business with his friends and borrowed
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
lots of money before becoming successful. I'm of the opinion that cooperation is more considerable than competition because it facilitates accomplishment and achievement. In conclusion, it is accurate to assert that having a strong desire for triumph builds the mental strength required for success,
however
, one must consider the benefits of being collaborative since it's paramount to personal achievements.
Submitted by maymocsb on

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task achievement
Ensure to provide balanced arguments for both views. Though you have done this well, try to integrate a bit more diversity in examples.
coherence cohesion
Include more transitional phrases to make your essay's structure flow smoothly. For instance, using connectors like 'Moreover,' 'In addition,' etc. will improve coherence.
task achievement
You have clearly stated your opinion and provided relevant examples to support it. The examples are specific and effective.
supported main points
Logical structure is evident, and your main points are well-supported with examples.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • innovation
  • productivity
  • excel
  • outperform
  • advancements
  • academic standards
  • work ethic
  • stress
  • anxiety
  • unhealthy rivalries
  • harmonious
  • supportive
  • collaborative learning
  • social skills
  • communication skills
  • sense of community
  • collective goals
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