IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

when asked to choose between a life without workand working most of time , people would always choose not to work . do you agree or disagree?

#life #workand #time #people #work
To choose between an
activity
 in which the public does not have to job and a soul that demands everyone to produce most of the occasion, there is a majority of people who want to live
a
Correct article usage
an
show examples
activity
 with no production.
However
,
this
 writer believes that humans need to be hard-working every day
due to
 its benefits in financial enhancement and task
promotion
. It is vital to understand that if human live a hard-working
activity
 they can easily improve their finance. It is true that when a crowd produce in a long term or an extra shift they can earn more money.
For instance
, an employee who works on holiday can get more money from their boss or company because they have to work
while
 they can relax and enjoy their own vacation.
Thus
, working with most generations can help a lot in improving human finance. Another key component of the case for working in the long term is endeavour
promotion
. It should be self-evident that if the crowd spend more season working, they can easily get the task
promotion
 because of their attempts which is clear evidence of their contribution to the company and they have to sacrifice their spare future merely to trial.
As a consequence
, these efforts will help them to be more promoted in their career path.
Therefore
, working for a long period of growth can help them get a job
promotion
. In conclusion, being hard working most of the space can help humans to get financial enhancement and job
promotion
.
Therefore
, it should have been demonstrated that working
most
Change preposition
on most
show examples
 of the points is an essential part of each human’s
activity
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
To improve logical structure, try to create more natural transitions between ideas. For example, use linking words such as 'moreover,' 'furthermore,' or 'in addition' to make your essay flow better.
task achievement
Ensure your main points are fully developed and supported by relevant examples. This can be done by elaborating on each example and directly linking it to the point you are making.
task achievement
Work on improving the precision and clarity of your sentences. Make sure your vocabulary accurately conveys your intended meaning. For instance, using 'work' instead of 'job' might be more appropriate in certain contexts.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, main body, and conclusion, which helps in understanding the main argument.
task achievement
The essay addresses the task prompt and provides arguments and examples to support different viewpoints, which is crucial for a complete response.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Intrinsic value
  • Sense of purpose
  • Fulfillment
  • Professional roles
  • Economic necessity
  • Basic necessities
  • Social interaction
  • Collaboration
  • Networking
  • Personal development
  • Learning new skills
  • Growth
  • Work-life balance
  • Stress
  • Burnout
  • Leisure
  • Well-being
  • Contribution
  • Economy
  • Society
  • Collective progress
  • Development
What to do next:
Look at other essays: