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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Is it important for children to learn the difference between right and wrong at an early age. Punishment is necessary to help them learn this distinction. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this option. What sort of punishment should parents and teachers be allowed to use to teach good behaviour to children

Children
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 are often innocent and unable to distinguish right and wrong, making some parents implement strict rules to ensure their kids follow common social norms from an early age. I partially agree with
this
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 point of view, as toddlers need to understand the rewards and consequences as early as possible, yet gentle parenting is
also
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 essential to protect
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children
Check wording
children's
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 emotional well-being. The punishment system is like a double-edged sword. It might be effective to teach young people the consequences of their negative habits.
Conversely
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, it can
also
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 lead to emotional instability and childhood trauma.
Furthermore
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, harsh treatment might result in disobedient or aggressive behaviour. Research conducted by Harvard University found that approximately 50% of individuals involved in violence and criminal activity had experienced childhood trauma
due to
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 excessive punishment from their family, which may contribute to aggressive behaviour in adulthood. To tackle
such
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 a negative behaviour, adults, both parents and teachers, should implement a combination of firm discipline and a gentle approach to teach
children
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 how to behave appropriately without feeling pressured. Indeed, small things can be a valuable lesson for them to absorb a good moral value, having been taught by adults.
For example
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, parents can punish their
children
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 by confiscating their favourite toys because of being dishonest, but still show affection to
children
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 no matter what.
To sum up
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, in certain circumstances, punishment may be effective when applied carefully.
However
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, it should be followed by a gentle approach to prevent emotional trauma to
children
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. A balanced combination of firm discipline and a gentle approach might develop positive habits in young people.

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task response
Your introduction clearly states your opinion, which is great. However, you could add a sentence that directly answers the question before moving into details. This will strengthen your introduction.
coherence cohesion
Your body paragraphs have a clear structure, which helps with flow. Try using more linking words like 'firstly', 'next', and 'finally' to guide the reader better through your arguments.
task response
You provided good examples, like the one about confiscating toys, which are relevant to your points. Consider adding more examples or personal stories to strengthen your arguments further.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a strong conclusion that summarizes your points nicely. This gives a clear end to your arguments and reinforces your opinion.
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