IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think that in order to learn about history, children must be taken to historical sites rather than just reading books. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #history #children #sites #books
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Some individuals are of the opinion that teaching
children
 about
history
 can be done optimally if they are directly taken to historical
sites
,
while
 simply giving them reading materials is not effective. Personally, I partly agree with
this
 suggestion because of some major reasons that are elucidated in
this
 essay. On the one hand, taking
children
 to historical
sites
 to help them learn about their nation’s
history
 is beneficial and should be done.
Children
 are visual learners, which means that they prefer to have direct interactions with knowledge,
while
 abstract concepts may be challenging for them to comprehend. When
history
 is described in books, it lacks the needed quality that helps
children
 learn.
As a result
, taking them directly to historical places and providing them with knowledge on the spot could potentially increase the learning outcomes.
On the other hand
,
although
 it is commendable if
children
 have the chance to visit historical
sites
, it is not a compulsory factor for kids to understand
history
. By adding images about the historical buildings or effigies to the books, they are still able to know what the
sites
 look like in real life. The main quality to have
children
 comprehend the
history
 lessons is by lecturing concisely. Since there is tremendous information in the book, it would be boring and ineffective if teachers
do
Wrong verb form
did
show examples
 not know how to summarize the lesson and lecture in an interesting way. In conclusion, it is undeniable that taking
children
 to historical
sites
 is a great idea since it could help
children
 understand
history
 lessons more easily.
Nevertheless
, it is not the main requirement to get
children
 interested in the subject.
Instead
, teachers should focus on improving the teaching method as it could help
history
 be easier and more interesting for kids to learn.
Submitted by nphlpro on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay is well-structured, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Each paragraph logically follows the previous one. However, providing more specific examples could further strengthen your arguments.
task achievement
You've addressed the prompt well and presented a balanced view. To improve further, ensure that your points are supported with more detailed examples or evidence.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clearly present and well articulated. Each provides a clear perspective on the topic.
task achievement
Your essay presents clear and comprehensive ideas, which are articulated well. Your stance is well explained and the reasoning is logical.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • experiential learning
  • tangible
  • interactive experience
  • emotional connection
  • comprehensive understanding
  • context and background
  • well-rounded understanding
  • limitations
  • accessible
  • modern technology
  • virtual tours
  • complement
  • historical events
  • historical figures
  • visual experience
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