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Band 4

Many people who care for the elderly do not have enough time to look after them What are the problems related to this? What are some possible solutions

#people #care #time
Nowadays, a lot of habitants worry about the date which is not enough to spend on taking responsibility
of
Change preposition
for
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 the senior citizens.
This
 writer will show the primary cause namely raising children and emphasize the main measure is flexibility which affects the schedule in order to concern
for
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apply
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the aged One of the serious problems is bringing up children in some families. Currently, it is evident that inhabitants tend to be born in order to maintain
the
Correct article usage
apply
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happiness in the family.
Therefore
, more and more kids are born and they need to be looked after by their parents.
Hence
, lots of
family
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families
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 spend a lot of
moment
Fix the agreement mistake
moments
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 with their little ones and they don’t have enough life for their old folk.
For instance
, mostly all of
population
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the population
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who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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are parents caring for their children because they think that the elderly can
load
Verb problem
care
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 for themselves
However
, the measure can be found within flexibility in working arrangements.
This
 will ensure that all of the members in the family will have good caregiving without any effects on age or mental.
Moreover
,
nation
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a nation
the nation
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 can balance their work and
taking
Wrong verb form
take
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 concern
of
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for
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 their families.
Thus
, they can earn a lot of money to improve their life.
Also
, having enough
date
Fix the agreement mistake
dates
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 for their child and their senior citizens.
Additionally
, it is enough to relieve their stress In conclusion, it does not have enough moment to load for the old population and each individual's appearance.
Hence
, to solve
this
 problem,
nation
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the nation
a nation
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 should choose some measures which can manage their timetable to reduce
pressures
Correct article usage
the pressures
show examples

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task response
Be sure to clarify your ideas and use precise vocabulary to avoid confusion, such as 'date' and 'moment' where 'time' should be used.
task response
Include more relevant specific examples to support your points. This will make your argument stronger and more convincing.
coherence and cohesion
Improve the logical flow of ideas to create a smoother narrative. Consider using more transition phrases and organizing your points more clearly.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure your introduction outlines your main points clearly, and your conclusion sums up your arguments effectively.
task response
The essay addresses an important societal issue concerning the care of elderly individuals.
task response
Effort has been made to suggest a practical solution, such as increased flexibility in work arrangements.
coherence and cohesion
Paragraphs are used effectively to separate different ideas.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • burnout
  • neglect
  • emotional distress
  • social interaction
  • mental stimulation
  • financial costs
  • community care services
  • respite care
  • telehealth services
  • flexible work arrangements
  • caregiver leave policies
  • support networks
  • emotional support
  • monitoring systems
  • training programs
  • interpersonal strain
What to do next:
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