IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Many people who care for the elderly do not have enough time to look after them What are the problems related to this? What are some possible solutions

#people #care #time
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays, a lot of habitants worry about the date which is not enough to spend on taking responsibility
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the senior citizens.
This
Linking Words
 writer will show the primary cause namely raising children and emphasize the main measure is flexibility which affects the schedule in order to concern
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the aged One of the serious problems is bringing up children in some families. Currently, it is evident that inhabitants tend to be born in order to maintain
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
happiness in the family.
Therefore
Linking Words
, more and more kids are born and they need to be looked after by their parents.
Hence
Linking Words
, lots of
family
Change to a plural noun
families
show examples
 spend a lot of
moment
Fix the agreement mistake
moments
show examples
 with their little ones and they don’t have enough life for their old folk.
For instance
Linking Words
, mostly all of
population
Add an article
the population
show examples
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
are parents caring for their children because they think that the elderly can
load
Verb problem
care
show examples
 for themselves
However
Linking Words
, the measure can be found within flexibility in working arrangements.
This
Linking Words
 will ensure that all of the members in the family will have good caregiving without any effects on age or mental.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
nation
Add an article
a nation
the nation
show examples
 can balance their work and
taking
Wrong verb form
take
show examples
 concern
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 their families.
Thus
Linking Words
, they can earn a lot of money to improve their life.
Also
Linking Words
, having enough
date
Fix the agreement mistake
dates
show examples
 for their child and their senior citizens.
Additionally
Linking Words
, it is enough to relieve their stress In conclusion, it does not have enough moment to load for the old population and each individual's appearance.
Hence
Linking Words
, to solve
this
Linking Words
 problem,
nation
Add an article
the nation
a nation
show examples
 should choose some measures which can manage their timetable to reduce
pressures
Correct article usage
the pressures
show examples

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Be sure to clarify your ideas and use precise vocabulary to avoid confusion, such as 'date' and 'moment' where 'time' should be used.
task response
Include more relevant specific examples to support your points. This will make your argument stronger and more convincing.
coherence and cohesion
Improve the logical flow of ideas to create a smoother narrative. Consider using more transition phrases and organizing your points more clearly.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure your introduction outlines your main points clearly, and your conclusion sums up your arguments effectively.
task response
The essay addresses an important societal issue concerning the care of elderly individuals.
task response
Effort has been made to suggest a practical solution, such as increased flexibility in work arrangements.
coherence and cohesion
Paragraphs are used effectively to separate different ideas.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • burnout
  • neglect
  • emotional distress
  • social interaction
  • mental stimulation
  • financial costs
  • community care services
  • respite care
  • telehealth services
  • flexible work arrangements
  • caregiver leave policies
  • support networks
  • emotional support
  • monitoring systems
  • training programs
  • interpersonal strain
What to do next:
Look at other essays: