Many young people today spend a lot of time playing electronic games. Is this a positive or negative development?

Many young generations are spending much of their leisure
time
playing digital
games
.
While
there are some positive aspects of
this
, I think the negatives should
also
be taken into account. There are several positives to playing electronic
games
. One positive is why playing
games
teaches us teamwork, especially in
team
games
.
This
leads to
team
achievement.
Moreover
, playing
games
teaches us cooperation, organization and loyalty to our
team
, which in turn affects positively our relationships with other people. Another positive is that it teaches participants to have
goals
and to work very hard to accomplish these aims. In
life
, everyone has many
goals
and they want to achieve to aims in front of them.
Thus
, there is a strong relationship between playing
games
and learning about
life
.
For example
, my brother played digital
games
. Today he focuses on everything and he can work cooperatively with the
team
.
However
, I acknowledge that children must not spend all their
time
playing electronic
games
because they have much homework today.
As a result
, they have not got enough
time
to do their tasks. All children should achieve many
goals
and should gain very good jobs in the future.
Nevertheless
, young people play digital
games
and can ignore school lessons
as well as
gain to none of purpose.
For instance
, my friend's brother spent a lot of
time
playing
games
during school. He left school and he did not enter university.
Consequently
, he cannot gain too many
goals
. In conclusion, playing
games
teaches us many useful things about
life
such
as coordination, achievement of
goals
, and loyalty in
life
.
However
, it usually impacts
life
very badly.
Submitted by soglomovsarvar on

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sentence structure
Consider introducing more varied and complex sentence structures to enhance the sophistication of your writing.
content balance
Try to balance the discussion between positive and negative aspects by dedicating a similar amount of content and analysis to each side.
evidence support
Use more specific examples to support your arguments. While personal examples are good, incorporating a wider variety of evidence can make your essay more convincing.
argument coherence
Keep working on the coherence of your arguments. Make sure each paragraph flows logically from one to the next, and that your ideas within paragraphs are clearly connected to each other.
structure
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing your essay.
topic relevance
The topic of team skills development through gaming is relevant and interesting. This adds strength to your argument.
balanced discussion
You've made an effort to discuss both sides of the argument, showing an awareness of the complexity of the issue.

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