Some people believe that studying at university or college is the best route to become successful career. While others believe that it is better to get a job staight after school. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #university #college #route #career #job #staight #school

The majority of people often say that the best way to gain a successful life is by studying at

college

or university,

while

others think that the way forward is to have a job after school.Both viewpoints are valid but I prefer the former choice and I will highlight the reason in the following essay. It must be understood that learning at university is the best route to a successful career.

This

means companies have a tendency to receive people who have qualifications and have a better grasp of that major.

For example

, citizens who have university degrees when applying to business, are able to pass the interview compared to those who do not have any qualifications.

Therefore

,they can get

high

Correct word choice

higher

show examples

salaries rather than each other.

However

,there are numerous populations of those who

get

Verb problem

are

show examples

successful in occupation.It means they drop out of

college

to get the experience for the job to earn money at an early age.Take Bill Gates

for example

,he isn’t studying

college

but now he is a billionaire person.

This

may be true but just one per cent of the total,others with no degree will be a failure if they do not continue to focus their study to improve their knowledge and soft skills.

Thus

,we should focus on studying

as well as

digging deep into our major to gain more chances in life. From my point of view,I believe the degree of

college

is so vital for our future.

Hence

,we can easily advance our careers and gain more profit. In conclusion,there are many ways to succeed but studying at

college

is always taking the lead.

Hence

,reaching our dream and getting a successful career.

Mon Jun 10 2024

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task achievement

To improve task achievement, ensure that you provide clear and relevant examples for each of your points. Try to add more specific examples and elaborate on them to strengthen your arguments.

coherence cohesion

Regarding coherence and cohesion, work on the smoothness of transitions between paragraphs. This helps your essay flow better and makes it easier for the reader to follow your arguments. Additionally, avoid repeating similar points, and ensure each paragraph introduces a new aspect of the topic.

coherence cohesion

The introduction is clear and outlines the main points that will be discussed. This helps the reader understand from the beginning what to expect.

coherence cohesion

The conclusion effectively summarizes the essay, reinforcing the main argument that studying at college or university is better for a successful career.

task achievement

The essay provides a balanced discussion by considering both viewpoints, which shows an ability to see multiple sides of an issue.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

267 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 7.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

specialized knowledge
professional fields
networking opportunities
career path
practical experience
financial pressures
economic independence
early work experience
apprenticeships
vocational training
hands-on skills

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

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Some people think young people should be free to choose their job, while others think that they should be realistic and think about their future. Discuss both views and give your opinion