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Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Some people say in order to prevent illness and disease, governments should focus on reducing environmental pollution and housing problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #illness #disease #governments #focus #pollution
Many residents have an idea that to prevent illness and disease, environmental pollution and housing problems should be reduced by the government.
This
 writer completely agrees with that opinion. It can be seen that pollution brings a lot of viruses with it. The virus can survive for a long time in the air and it will be spread out by the winds to attack in a big range. The amount of viruses in the air can be decreased if the environmental pollutions are decreased too. According the information from medical scientists, the show figures that the number of patients who have been sick by the virus in the air has risen strongly in recent years.
Therefore
, the government should focus on how to reduce environmental pollution in their cities.
Moreover
, having a clean environment
also
 makes the emotions of the citizens better. Lots of research shows that many people will be happier if the environment surrounding them is clean and fresh, these conditions can improve the work quality of citizens.
Therefore
 the economy of the country will improve a lot. It can be easy to see that many governments in the world try to support their inhabitants to have a better working atmosphere and these things result in their own company having the best place in the world. In conclusion, governments have an important part of the countries to improve the economy by helping their citizens to have a better working environment.

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task achievement
Your essay should include more specific examples to support your arguments. For instance, you could mention specific diseases linked to pollution or housing problems.
task achievement
Work on extending your points with more comprehensive details. Explain how reducing pollution directly correlates with disease prevention.
coherence cohesion
While your introduction and conclusion are present, ensure they are as strong as possible by clearly summarizing your main points and restating your position.
coherence cohesion
Consider dividing your essay into clearer paragraphs, each focusing on a single main idea. This will make your logical structure more evident.
coherence cohesion
You should pay attention to connecting your ideas more smoothly with cohesive devices (linking words/phrases) to enhance the flow of your essay.
task achievement
Your position on the topic is very clear and you have decisively agreed with the statement, which is a strong quality of your response.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion provide a clear framework for your essay, which helps in understanding your overall position.
coherence cohesion
Your arguments are relevant to the topic and provide a logical sequence of reasoning for your standpoint.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • preventive healthcare
  • environmental regulations
  • respiratory diseases
  • public health policies
  • sanitation facilities
  • urban planning
  • communicable diseases
  • socio-economic factors
  • sustainable development
  • government intervention
  • healthcare infrastructure
  • industrial emissions
  • air quality index
  • affordable housing
  • mental wellbeing
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