IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Many people who care for the elderly do not have enugh time to look after them. What are the problems related to this? What are some possible solutions?

#people #care #enugh #time
The problem with taking
care
 of elderly people is that there is not sufficient
time
 to look after old individuals.
This
 essay will discuss the effect on the financial and mental health of those who take
Correct your spelling
care of
careof
Correct pronoun usage
careof it
show examples
, yet it can be solved by working as a freelancer or respite carer at home. It should be understood that everyone has a very busy lifestyle in
this
 contemporary world.
Apart from
this
, many jobs require you to work long hours, which means it is really difficult to find extra
time
 to take
care
 of the elderly and your income will decline .
For example
, spending most of your
time
 keeping an eye on elderly people may get you in trouble when doing assessments or experiments for some projects.
As a result
, it will affect your salary.
Moreover
, carers may feel frustrated or stressed
while
 looking after the elderly. Because many carers find themselves burned out when they put their needs below the needs of the person they are caring for.
For instance
, after taking
care
 long
time
 it may go
along with
 a change in attitude from positive and caring to negative and unconcerned.
Consequently
, feeling a loss of identity or constant worry may lead to burnout. To deal with these problems, their son or their daughter can apply for a task rather than a job to have a flexible
time
 to take
care
 of the elderly.
Moreover
, another option is that you can
be hired
Wrong verb form
hire
show examples
caregiver
Add an article
a caregiver
show examples
 to look after the old people.
Therefore
, you can balance between your job and life. In conclusion, the lack of
time
 to take
care
 of the elderly can affect your finances and make you feel stressed.
Hence
, using some services for the elderly or
applying
Add the preposition
applying for
show examples
 jobs
flexible
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
will tackle
this
 problem.
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introduction
The introduction is clear, but you can improve it by briefly mentioning the problems and solutions that will be discussed in the essay. This will give the reader a clear idea of what to expect.
supported main points
Ensure all your points are well-supported with specific and relevant examples. For instance, in discussing the financial strain, you could include statistics or studies to bolster your point.
logical structure
Enhance coherence by using a wider variety of linking words and phrases to improve the flow between ideas and paragraphs. For example, transition phrases like "in addition," "furthermore," and "on the other hand" can help create a smoother flow of ideas.
task response
The essay addresses the task promptly, introducing the main problems and solutions related to the issue at hand.
introduction conclusion present
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and provides a clear solution to the problem, which ties the essay together nicely.
clear comprehensive ideas
The idea of working as a freelancer or hiring a caregiver as solutions are relevant and practical.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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