IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

Doctors should be responsible for educating their patients about how to improve their health. Do you agree with this?

#doctors #patients #health
Society believes that health expert should teach their
patients
 about improving their well-being. The
doctor
 has many disease knowledges to improve their patient's health.
Moreover
, the
doctor
 has familiarity with handling many cases, making their insights useful to improve their patient's well-being. That being said, I agree that
doctors
 should teach their
patients
 to improve their well-being. The
doctor
 is qualified to educate their
patients
 to help them avoid illness
due to
 their competency.
However
, some argue that the theory will help them in making guidance.
Therefore
, some people doubt the medical experts' advice regarding their fitness.
Although
this
 may be true, some
doctors
 have their medical research as a source of their ability.
For example
, well-known medical campuses like Oxford and Harvard have a policy requiring students to research before being deployed to the field.
Lastly
, their instructor will examine the collected results to review their qualifications. In the long run, it guarantees the
doctors
' quality since they are more skilled. All things considered, their skill should be used to educate humans. The
doctor
 has many insights that are convenient in improving
patients
' well-being. As much as those are fundamental, their experience should be emphasized too. practical judgment is acquired by how many
patients
 they treat. Under those circumstances, the new one in the field will lack that knowledge because experience is granted by how many clients they help. At the same time, inexperienced
doctors
 can have a lot of advice from their more experienced colleagues. It must be remembered that the
doctors
 have their community and annually hold conferences like the World
Doctors
 Meeting in 2023.
As a result
, during the talks, they exchange their thinking with each other. In that case, the
doctor
's practical ability is not only obtained by themself but
also
 could be collected from colleagues. These points prove that the
doctor
's expertise and practical knowledge should be used to improve human well-being.
Overall
, I strongly agree with that view because
doctors
 have a lot of sources of information for advancing their
patients
' health.
Additionally
, their familiarity in that field should help them boost that.
Submitted by arsyiiimuhammad061 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that the introduction clearly outlines the main points that will be discussed in the essay. This helps in providing a roadmap for the reader.
task achievement
Try to provide more specific examples and detailed explanations to support your main points. This adds depth to your arguments.
task achievement
Make sure to use more varied sentence structures and vocabulary to showcase a higher level of language proficiency.
coherence cohesion
Work on maintaining a logical flow between sentences and paragraphs to improve overall readability.
task achievement
The essay provides a clear stance on the topic and consistently supports it throughout.
coherence cohesion
The coherence and cohesion of the essay are commendable as the arguments are logically connected.
coherence cohesion
Effective use of organizational structure with clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • holistic approach
  • preventive measures
  • chronic diseases
  • medical interventions
  • healthcare professionals
  • consultations
  • dietitians
  • health educators
  • literacy skills
  • visual aids
  • digital tools
  • reputable online resources
  • community programs
  • ongoing support
  • patient outcomes
  • initial guidance
  • mitigated
  • follow-up consultations
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