Some pepople feel that the private lives of celebreties should not be openly shared by the media. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Nowadays, more and more
people
keep with a belief that famous Use synonyms
people
’s Use synonyms
lives
should be private and closed from media services. Use synonyms
Although
they deserve to have their own space, they are Linking Words
also
role models to Linking Words
others
which is why need to show their life.
Use synonyms
To begin
with, celebrities' private Linking Words
lives
should not be shared with the media. They need to have their own space just to relax from society Use synonyms
as well as
other individuals. Linking Words
Moreover
, if Linking Words
people
have Use synonyms
such
kind of data, they might be able to do a bulging Linking Words
due to
the envying. Linking Words
For example
, there was a popular TikTok blogger called Charlie Damelio. Her daily life started to be filmed on a TV Channel and after publishing, Linking Words
people
wrote hate on social platforms about herself and her daily habits. Unfortunately, she was not able to cope with Use synonyms
this
hate and was underdressed for three years. Linking Words
Therefore
, if celebrities are not protected from it, they will be frustrated with a couple of mental disorders Linking Words
such
as depression.
Linking Words
On the other hand
, celebrities' Linking Words
lives
should be opened because of their character as role models. Since they are role models to Use synonyms
others
, and by providing access to it, they give stimulation Use synonyms
as well as
advice to Linking Words
others
who want similar positions. To be more precise, right society is waiting for the data about their experiences. Use synonyms
For instance
, Jeski Chan is popular not only for his ability but Linking Words
also
for interviews. There he is sharing not only his difficulties but Linking Words
also
teaching viewers. Linking Words
Thus
, if stars share their private life, Linking Words
others
will take it as motivation.
In conclusion, I think that famous Use synonyms
people
's Use synonyms
lives
should be shared to Use synonyms
such
a degree as the stars want. If we did it, we would not have so many suicides because of hate among stars.Linking Words
Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on
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coherence cohesion
It is important to improve the logical structure of your essay. Try to ensure that each paragraph flows smoothly into the next. Transition words can be helpful in connecting your ideas better.
task achievement
Make sure your main points are strongly supported. Use thoroughly explained examples and evidence to back up your arguments, rather than relying on generalizations.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea. This will help clarify your arguments and make the essay easier to follow.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and a concluding paragraph that summarizes your opinion effectively.
task achievement
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task achievement
You have used some relevant examples to support your points, which is commendable.
Your opinion
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