The average standard of people's health is likely to be lower in the future than it is now. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Gradual decrease in the
quality
of people
's well being
is becoming a topic of concern amongst the masses, and it is predicted to keep falling. The essay strongly agrees Add a hyphen
well-being
as
Change preposition
that
rising
number of health Correct article usage
a rising
issues
is associated with increased environmental issues
and the lack of conscious healthy choices in modern life.
Firstly
, mankind is facing an extreme decline in the quality
of neccessities
Correct your spelling
necessities
such
water
and air. Not only is the purity and cleanliness of water decreasingChange preposition
as water
,
it is Add the word(s)
, but
also
becoming more and more apparent that the use of devices meant to purify water is actually leading to mineral leeching. There is also
a lot of evidence that suggests clear links between Air Quality
and the exponential increase in respiratory issues
such
as Asthma, Lung cancer and Hypersensitivity reactions. For instance
, the general populace in Delhi, India have lungs that are similar to ones that belong to a chronic smoker due to
immense air pollution as a result
of industries and factories.
Secondly
, people
seem to invest a lot less time in their physical well-being as compared to before. However
, this
is not always an active choice. Most people
are working more than 10 hours a day, leaving behind little to no time or energy left
for basic activities like cooking a healthy meal or taking a walk. If the ongoing trend of overworking and ignoring one's mental and physical needs continues, we are likely to see a significant rise in comorbidities Verb problem
apply
such
as obesity, hypertension and Cardiac dysfunction. A study in 2020, conducted by All India Institute of Medical Sciences showed that an average individual walks only one-quarter of the distance covered by people
in the early 90s.
To conclude
, there is an increasing risk of health issues
as the quality
of wellness continues to decrease. It is agreed upon that lifestyle choices and increasing pollution play a major role in the expected decline.Submitted by d.karan on
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task achievement
Expand on how environmental issues specifically contribute to health deterioration, adding more examples for clarity.
coherence cohesion
Ensure smooth transitions between paragraphs to enhance readability.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which reinforces the main points effectively.
task achievement
The essay provides specific and relevant examples, helping to support the argument.
Your opinion
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