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Writing Samples
Band 6

The average standard of people's health is likely to be lower in the future than it is now. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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Gradual decrease in the
quality
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 of
people
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's
well being
Add a hyphen
well-being
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 is becoming a topic of concern amongst the masses, and it is predicted to keep falling. The essay strongly agrees
as
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that
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rising
Correct article usage
a rising
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 number of health
issues
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 is associated with increased environmental
issues
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 and the lack of conscious healthy choices in modern life.
Firstly
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, mankind is facing an extreme decline in the
quality
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 of
neccessities
Correct your spelling
necessities
such
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water
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as water
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 and air. Not only is the purity and cleanliness of water decreasing
,
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, but
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it is
also
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 becoming more and more apparent that the use of devices meant to purify water is actually leading to mineral leeching. There is
also
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 a lot of evidence that suggests clear links between Air
Quality
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 and the exponential increase in respiratory
issues
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such
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 as Asthma, Lung cancer and Hypersensitivity reactions.
For instance
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, the general populace in Delhi, India have lungs that are similar to ones that belong to a chronic smoker
due to
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 immense air pollution
as a result
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 of industries and factories.
Secondly
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,
people
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 seem to invest a lot less time in their physical well-being as compared to before.
However
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,
this
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 is not always an active choice. Most
people
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 are working more than 10 hours a day, leaving behind little to no time or energy
left
Verb problem
apply
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for basic activities like cooking a healthy meal or taking a walk. If the ongoing trend of overworking and ignoring one's mental and physical needs continues, we are likely to see a significant rise in comorbidities
such
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 as obesity, hypertension and Cardiac dysfunction. A study in 2020, conducted by All India Institute of Medical Sciences showed that an average individual walks only one-quarter of the distance covered by
people
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 in the early 90s.
To conclude
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, there is an increasing risk of health
issues
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 as the
quality
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 of wellness continues to decrease. It is agreed upon that lifestyle choices and increasing pollution play a major role in the expected decline.

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task achievement
Expand on how environmental issues specifically contribute to health deterioration, adding more examples for clarity.
coherence cohesion
Ensure smooth transitions between paragraphs to enhance readability.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which reinforces the main points effectively.
task achievement
The essay provides specific and relevant examples, helping to support the argument.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • 1. Standard of health
  • 2. Average
  • 3. Lower
  • 4. Future
  • 5. Aging population
  • 6. Chronic diseases
  • 7. Sedentary lifestyle
  • 8. Lack of exercise
  • 9. Poor dietary habits
  • 10. Environmental pollution
  • 11. Technological advancements
  • 12. Impact on health
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