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Writing Samples /
Band 8

Some people think individuals and society should pay more attention to the future than to the present. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #individuals #society #attention #future
There is a common belief that citizens should concentrate on the future
instead
 of the present. The writer of
this
 essay strongly agrees with
this
 notion that people will become more optimistic about careers
as well as
 improve their country. It is vital to understand that residents in the nation can become optimists at work.
In other words
, when something happens, folks can calm down and easily deal with
this
 problem
instead
 of shouting, thinking negatively and
then
 giving up. To cite an example, some employees work in the company
although
 they always listen to the complaints of the manager, they usually find something that can make them set up their minds, being optimistic and
then
 they happily tackle the problem to make the manager satisfied.
As a result
, some white-collar workers can get a lot of opportunities and benefits because of their attempt, better yet, they can be promoted to a higher position. Another point to consider is that some individuals and the public can help the realm improve. To put it simply, nowadays, a lot of people in the world make mistakes but the majority of them want to change and make society more fresh and beautiful in lieu of giving up or destroying. Take Singapore as a typical country
for instance
, the residents there have a high awareness of protecting the environment, from the youngster to the older, making Singapore the cleanest country in the world.
Thus
, individuals and society play an important part in the development of a nation. In conclusion, even though a mere group of people focus on the present, the fact that looking at the future can make humans more optimistic about work
as well as
 advance their nation.
Submitted by Nghỉ hè vui vẻ cả nhà on

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task achievement
While the essay presents strong arguments and relevant examples, consider expanding your introduction and conclusion. A more elaborate introduction can set the stage effectively, and a detailed conclusion can wrap up your points succinctly.
coherence cohesion
To enhance coherence and cohesion, focus on making smoother transitions between your ideas. For instance, using connecting phrases such as 'In addition,' 'Moreover,' or 'Furthermore' could improve the flow.
coherence cohesion
Some sentences could be more concise. Try to use clear and straightforward language without redundant phrases for better clarity.
task achievement
Although the examples were relevant, providing a bit more detailed context or linking them more explicitly to your main points could strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
You have a logical structure in your essay, with clear main points and supporting details, which is crucial for coherence and cohesion.
task achievement
The examples you used, particularly the one about Singapore, were effective and relevant, supporting your arguments well.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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