IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some species of animals are almost extinct; and many others seem to be fast approaching a similar risk. What are the reasons for this? What should be done to solve this problem?

There is an ongoing debate on animal
extinction
Use synonyms
. The main causes of
this
Linking Words
 phenomenon are rising needs and animal hunting, yet hope can be found through government policies’ reformation to encourage people to go vegan. Nowadays, mass-producing
meat
Use synonyms
 from chickens and cows is a common topic when it comes to why
animals
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 go missing. Needless to say, human' demands are something that
rises
Correct subject-verb agreement
rise
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 almost every day as overpopulation is taking place.
As a result
Linking Words
, the desire for food—or
meat
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, to be specific—is
also
Linking Words
 rising rapidly, synonymous with more
animals
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 getting killed and soon becoming extinct.
For example
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, in the Democratic Republic of the Congo, only newborn female chickens are allowed to live so as to lay eggs; their counterparts are ground into fine
meat
Use synonyms
 for nuggets and other products.
Thus
Linking Words
, rising demands from humans are one major cause that leads to
extinction
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. Animal hunting is another cause that contributes to the problem. It is undeniable that finding scarce
animals
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 or species has been one of the recreational activities for humans, which can be described as interesting and addictive.
This
Linking Words
 means people are seeking enjoyment and satisfaction from finding
animals
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 that are rare and wanted.
Consequently
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, many invade their habitats, which leads
further
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 to migration to other regions to find a new suitable environment, which requires a significant amount of energy and time. Having found that ideal environment cannot ensure that they are safe from human activities and presence.
Not to mention
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, migration can lead to population loss and even
extinction
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 if it happens multiple times.
However
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, with the efforts of the authorities to set out certain rules,
this
Linking Words
 issue can be much less significant. By introducing new policies encouraging more vegetables and less
meat
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 eating,
animals
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 that are now in mass production can benefit as they will be set free.
Therefore
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, no more
animals
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 are killed, which means their
extinction
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 is prevented.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, less animal hunting as people are losing interest in
meat
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 leads to no more unnecessary energy waste.
For example
Linking Words
, Japan has applied the same programme and is finding positive outcomes, as
animals
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 do not get scared away by humans and factories are being put out of business as
meat
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 is no longer citizens' go-to. In conclusion, the problem of animal
extinction
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 is caused by high food demands and scarce animal hunting programmes. By trying to reform rules,
this
Linking Words
 problem is arguably less impactful.

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coherence
Make sure your points are clearly connected and easy to follow.
cohesion
Use transition words to guide the reader through your ideas.
task achievement
Add examples that are more specific to support your main ideas.
content
Your introduction clearly states the main causes of extinction and hints at solutions.
content
You provide a variety of reasons for extinction, showing your understanding of the topic.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • species extinction
  • endangered animals
  • biodiversity
  • habitat loss
  • deforestation
  • urbanization
  • poaching
  • illegal wildlife trade
  • climate change
  • pollution
  • conservation efforts
  • legislation
  • enforcement
  • human overpopulation
  • sustainable development
  • responsible consumption
  • education
  • awareness programs
  • protected areas
  • wildlife reserves
  • international cooperation
  • collaboration
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