Some people think that parents should limit the time their children spend watching TV and playing computer games and encourage them to read books instead. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #parents #limit #time #children #tv #computer #games #books

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?

Some individuals believe that parents should restrict the

time

Use synonyms

their offspring spend watching

Use synonyms

and playing

computer

Use synonyms

games

Use synonyms

and they should encourage them to read

books

Use synonyms

instead

Linking Words

. I agree with

this

Linking Words

statement as excessive

time

Use synonyms

spent watching

Use synonyms

and playing video

games

Use synonyms

can influence their behaviour and

also

Linking Words

reading more

on the other hand

Linking Words

provides much useful

knowledge

Use synonyms

. On the one hand, more

time

Use synonyms

spent on television and on

computer

Use synonyms

games

Use synonyms

can affect children in a harmful manner.

This

Linking Words

is because

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

some juveniles tend to copy those actions on television and pick up inappropriate behavioural patterns from them.

Also

Linking Words

, many video

games

Use synonyms

are extremely addictive.

Thus

Linking Words

, it makes the child spend much more

time

Use synonyms

on them and miss out on their daily tasks.

For example

Linking Words

, recently in Sri Lanka there was an incident where children performed a stunt action from a movie and they got seriously injured afterwards.

On the other hand

Linking Words

, encouraging a child to read more

books

Use synonyms

can be useful in the future.

Books

Use synonyms

are great sources of

knowledge

Use synonyms

despite

Change preposition

apply

show examples

their category . Education-related ones help the child to cover those basic topic matters

while

Linking Words

Novels improve one's vocabulary level and the ability to imagine.

For instance

Linking Words

, history has proven that many famous people who have achieved beyond the expectations of society, were readers and they always had a thirst for

knowledge

Use synonyms

. In conclusion, I agree with the statement that parents should allow only a limited period of

time

Use synonyms

to watch

Use synonyms

and to play

computer

Use synonyms

games

Use synonyms

for their children and

also

Linking Words

they should encourage them to read

books

Use synonyms

. Because

Use synonyms

and

computer

Use synonyms

games

Use synonyms

have harmful effects reading

books

Use synonyms

instead

Linking Words

can aid in gaining much

knowledge

Use synonyms

Submitted by lithmakumaradasa on Sat Jul 06 2024

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

grammar

There are a few minor grammatical mistakes, for example, 'Books are great sources of knowledge despite of their category.' It should be 'despite their category.'

clarity

Some sentences can be revised for clarity, such as 'Thus, it makes the child spend much more time on them and miss out on their daily tasks.' This could be clearer if rephrased as 'As a result, children spend much more time playing these games and neglect their daily tasks.'

task achievement

Your essay provides a complete response to the prompt and clearly states your position. This is crucial for Task Achievement.

coherence cohesion

Your essay has a logical structure with a clear introduction and conclusion. This helps in maintaining coherence and cohesion throughout your writing.

task achievement

You have supported your main points with relevant examples, which strengthens your arguments. For instance, mentioning the incident in Sri Lanka adds a real-world context to your essay.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
6
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

279 words

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

8
band
In their advertising, businesses nowadays usually emphasise that their products are new in some way. Why is this? Do you think it is a positive or negative development?
In this era, some company establishes an innovative way to market their products through preliminary introductions about their products is the first among others. In my opinion, this is a positive development for businesses, there are several reasons for that.
8
band
In many countries, smoking is now illegal in public places. Many people believe that such a ban is justified. Do you agree or disagree?
Smoking has been banned in public places like parks, hospitals and restaurants in many nations, and it is a law that many people support. I agree with this initiative because it reduces the harmful effects of passive smoking and also encourages smokers to quit.
5
band
Nowadays the way people interact with each other has changed because of technology. Has this become a positive or negative development ?
In todays modern world where social platforms are growing at a very fast pace because of advanced technology.
7.5
band
Write an essay to an educated reader to discuss both advantages and disadvantages of advertising. Include reasons and any relevant examples to support your answer.
The role of advertising in modern society is a contentious issue, with proponents arguing that it stimulates economic growth and provides valuable information to consumers, while critics contend that it manipulates individuals and promotes conspicuous consumption. In this essay, I will argue that while advertising has several advantages, its disadvantages cannot be ignored.
4.5
band
Plastic bags, plastic bottles and plastic packaging are bad for the environment. What damage does the plastic do the environment? what can be done by government and individuals to solve this problem?
Plastic items such as bottles, bags and packaging is considered to be bad for a healthy environment. Due to the major damges caused by plastics, people arugue it is not environement friendly. Further, the process of disposin these products are not convinient as others. However, many counries collect plasctics seperately with the purpose of recycling. This essay highlights the major factors such as drawbacks of plastics and actions that the Government and people can be taken to minimize the usage.

Some people think that parents should limit the time their children spend watching TV and playing computer games and encourage them to read books instead. Do you agree or disagree?

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

In their advertising, businesses nowadays usually emphasise that their products are new in some way. Why is this? Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

In many countries, smoking is now illegal in public places. Many people believe that such a ban is justified. Do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays the way people interact with each other has changed because of technology. Has this become a positive or negative development ?

Write an essay to an educated reader to discuss both advantages and disadvantages of advertising. Include reasons and any relevant examples to support your answer.

Plastic bags, plastic bottles and plastic packaging are bad for the environment. What damage does the plastic do the environment? what can be done by government and individuals to solve this problem?