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Band 6

In some countries old age is highly valued, while in others youth is emphasized. Which view point do you agree with?

#countries #age #youth #point
In different parts of the world, we find greater or lesser status for some groups in society. Many Asian societies traditionally have a lot of respect for older
people
, but today in Asia, childhood and youth
seems
Correct subject-verb agreement
seem
show examples
 to be getting more and more attention. In
this
essay
Add a comma
essay,
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 I will say why I think it can be unhealthy to place too much value on any group simply because of their
age
. Old
age
 is often associated with wisdom. With
age
 comes experience, and in many
societies
Add a comma
societies,
show examples
 younger family members consult older ones for advice on relationships or problems. In some societies, not just older living family members but ancestors are revered and consulted.
However
, if old
age
 just involves the same experience over and over again, there may not be much wisdom or flexibility attached to it.
People
 who have held the same position for many many years often are reluctant to change or to allow anyone else to introduce change. Companies or organizations run by older workers may become too conservative to succeed against competition from younger rivals. Many
aging
Change the spelling
ageing
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 political leaders have wrecked their countries by refusing to step down or change policy. It’s clear that
age
 by itself is not a qualification for anything. But it’s equally foolish to focus too much
onyouth
Correct your spelling
on youth
youth
. Having hundreds of thousands of young graduates and a young, vibrant workforce in a country is usually regarded as an asset, but it can result in many
poorly-paid
Correct your spelling
poorly paid
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 jobs as employees for foreign companies. Both Communist and Fascist governments idolized their youth, but
this
 was often a form of brainwashing, and to provide fodder for factories and armies. Today, Thai, Korean, and Filipino television and magazines are full of impossibly cute children, teenagers with flawless skin, and pop idols.
This
 can create problems of self-esteem for the millions of ordinary
people
 who do not match those images. As public debate and television become even more trivial and self-obsessed, billions of dollars are wasted by
people
on
Change preposition
apply
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trying to look and act like children
instead
 of adults with a mind and voice of their own. To encapsulate, an ideal society would have a balance. We should appreciate both the beauty and potential of youth and the advice and experience of old
age
, but should
also
 be careful to understand the reality of each.
Submitted by Nghỉ hè vui vẻ cả nhà on

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introduction conclusion present
Consider extending your introduction and adding a clear thesis statement to make your position unmistakable from the start.
supported main points
Try to integrate your examples more seamlessly into your arguments to enhance coherence.
logical structure
Make sure your conclusion not only summarizes but also reinforces your main points effectively.
complete response
Your essay provides a balanced view, discussing both the positive and negative aspects of valuing youth and old age.
relevant specific examples
You have used relevant and specific examples to support your arguments, making your points more convincing.
introduction conclusion present
The conclusion effectively summarizes your stance and brings a thoughtful end to your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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