IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

More and more people are becoming seriously overweight. Some people think that the government should increase the price of fattening foods to address this issue. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#people #government #price #foods #address
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
These days, the main matter that global communities have with their society is obesity, so to solve
this
Linking Words
 issue a group of
people
Use synonyms
 offer the authorities to climb the cost of unhealthy
food
Use synonyms
. I do not subscribe to
this
Linking Words
 idea owing to the fact that
this
Linking Words
 work changes junk
food
Use synonyms
 to luxurious dishes and
exercise
Use synonyms
 is more important. On the one hand, convenient
food
Use synonyms
 is the main section of meals that the population, who are employees or do not have a lot of money for making healthy dishes, eat inasmuch as these types of
food
Use synonyms
 are cheap;
however
Linking Words
, when the fines that governments obtain from these meals increase, these kinds of communities cannot provide their
food
Use synonyms
;
additionally
Linking Words
, these foods become a special meal that wealthy
people
Use synonyms
 use and become obesity.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the governments have to invest in the
exercise
Use synonyms
 section and change
people
Use synonyms
's lifestyles by adding
exercise
Use synonyms
 to their daily lives on account of the fact that if inhabitants do regular sports several times, they become healthy.
In other words
Linking Words
, when the populations do
exercise
Use synonyms
, they have to eat healthy
food
Use synonyms
 that improves the level of their energy;
moreover
Linking Words
, they do not have various illnesses like heart attack, high blood pressure and son one
that is
Linking Words
 a result of lack of activity.
to sum up
Linking Words
, increasing the price of fatty foods has a negative impact on a group of
people
Use synonyms
's diet and alters some wealthy populations'
food
Use synonyms
;
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
whereas
Linking Words
, fund on adding sport to communities' lives moves their bad routine to healthy habits.
Submitted by maryamkazemi968 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Include specific examples to strengthen your arguments, such as statistics or real-life scenarios.
coherence cohesion
Try to ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea and that the arguments presented support this main point.
language use
Work on expanding your vocabulary for a more precise expression of ideas.
content positivity
The essay addresses both sides of the argument, showing a balanced view.
structure positivity
A clear conclusion is present and sums up the main arguments of the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • fattening foods
  • obesity epidemic
  • public health
  • government intervention
  • taxation policy
  • price elasticity
  • consumer behavior
  • socioeconomic impact
  • nutritional education
  • lifestyle changes
  • healthier alternatives
  • balanced diet
  • financial incentives
  • eating habits
What to do next:
Look at other essays: