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Writing Samples
Band 7

People in many countries are spending less time with their family. What are the reasons, and effects of this? Huy Cao

#people #countries #time #effects #huy #cao
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In the modern era, most people around the world are too busy earning extra money, which in turn, they can not devote their
time
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 to their loved ones.
This
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 essay will discuss the reasons for
this
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 trend and its associated effects.
To begin
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, one of the main causes of
this
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 problem is the nature of work and study. Breadwinners have to work busily all day so they have very little
time
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 to spend with their family.
For instance
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, in Vietnam, workers usually spend an average of 8 to 12 hours a day working. When they are attached to their job, they
also
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 need to rest.
Therefore
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, they can not have enough
time
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 for their household. Meanwhile, adolescents today are
also
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 under great pressure from the study.
For example
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, children in Vietnam often spend 8 hours a day and 7 days a week at school,
not to mention
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 extra classes in the evening.
Consequently
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, they
also
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 have no free
time
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 for their families. Moving on to the influence
this
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 trend may bring to families and society. The carefree between parents and their children might lead to some psychological traumas. Spending less
time
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 means individuals do not have enough
time
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 to share and comfort each other, so family members will lose cohesion and understanding.
For example
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,there are some statistics that show that the rate of children suffering from autism and depression comes from a lack of care from their parents. In conclusion, the reasons why people lack focus on gathering more with their family include career and indifference to adults.
Therefore
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, people should spend free
time
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 with their families so they can bond and live happier.
Submitted by midden-02.tore on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea. For example, the paragraph on job commitments and education pressure should clearly differentiate between these two points.
task achievement
Enhance the explanation of how societal effects are also impacted, besides the family dynamics discussed. This will deepen your essay's task response.
task achievement
The essay provides specific examples, such as statistics from Vietnam, to support claims.
coherence cohesion
A clear introduction and conclusion provide a strong framework for the essay.
coherence cohesion
The ideas are logically sequenced, transitioning well from causes to effects.
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