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Band 7.5

Humans are damaging the environment. What problems can this create? What are some solutions?

#humans #environment #create
It is true that the deterioration of environmental quality stems from human activities nowadays.
This
 essay attempts to shed light on the problems that have resulted from
this
 tendency before outlining several viable solutions that should be adopted to tackle
this
 problem. There are two major problems
result
Correct pronoun usage
that result
show examples
 from
people
's activities that cause damage to the environment. First and foremost, it could negatively affect
people
's health. To simplify, transportation, which releases enormous amounts of greenhouse gases, contributes to air pollution in the surrounding areas.
As a result
,
people
 are more likely to suffer from many health problems, namely lung cancer or respiratory disease.
Secondly
, the scenario of overly exploiting the forests occurs densely throughout the globe.
This
 acts as a precursor to the destructive influence on natural habitats
,
Correct word choice
and, therefore
show examples
therefore
, leads to the demise of thousands of species,
such
 as chimpanzees in North Africa. To combat
this
 worrying issue, it is crucial to take the following feasible steps. The first measure is that the official state should impose some rules to encourage citizens to use public transport on the roads.
This
 positive trend could mitigate the number of cars driving
as well as
 improve the air quality in some cities. Another remedy is that governing bodies should enforce strict laws to protect natural environments against deforestation.
Moreover
, a heavy fine
together with
 imprisoned rules in case of overusing the forests to cut down the trees could act as a deterrent for others. In conclusion, there are a host of compelling serious repercussions resulting from how
people
 behave towards the environment, and it is crucial that the aforementioned measures be implemented by the authorities to deal with these issues.
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coherence cohesion
Overall, the structure of your essay is solid, with a clear introduction and conclusion. However, some of the sentences could be more concise to improve readability.
task achievement
It's important to provide more distinct examples and further elaborate on them to strengthen your argument and offer a more comprehensive response.
coherence cohesion
You presented a clear and well-organized argument, making it easy for the reader to follow your points.
task achievement
You have successfully addressed both parts of the task, discussing problems and solutions in detail.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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