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Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people believe that allowing children to make their own choices on everyday matter(such as food, clothes and entertainment) is likely to result in a society of individuals who only think about their wishes. other people believe that it is important for children to make decisions about matters that affect them.

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Introduction
This
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 essay will discuss whether accepting kids to make
thier
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 own decition or not . My personal opinion is that
children
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 should learn become responsible for
thier
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 actions and follow hier goal .
However
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 it is
also
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 crucial to think about reult and changes of themselves . The following paragraph will present importance of choices and matters.
Body paragraph 1
One significant reason that people believe
children
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 should make
thier
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 own decisions is that they build strong sense of self awareness and learn to deal with the consequences . The impact of
this
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 they take responsibility when they make wrong decisions , they have to solve negative results and make obstacle into opportunities .
For instance
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 : when they choose to miss the classesas a result lots od missed assignments are created and they feel like they can not catch up fellow students . Once they make mistakes and solve it , it will be solid lesson that they will nevr make the same mistake again and
that is
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 slowly helping themto become responsible adult .
Furthermore
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 . people learn themselves by making choices ,
for example
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 : How thye would react on various situations and they will never know whether they like spicy foods or not if they fo not try .
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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 ,
children
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 are influenced easily by others or what they perceive . To illustrate
this
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 point ; lots of kids have accessibility of internet , in order to entertain themselves , kids watch videos on youtube or tiktok theseday, The issue is that lots of inappropriate contents influence them and brainwash .
For example
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 : massive LGBTQ trends are occurring currently and those videos make child to believe themselves as homophobic person or another being in defferent genders
Conclusion
In summary , creating decisions by themselves ,
children
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 learn to be responsible for
thier
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 actions and findd what they capable for .
However
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 because of they influence easily by others , people should restrict what they watch

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Introduction Clarity
Make sure your introduction more clearly outlines the two viewpoints being discussed and states your own position more explicitly. This helps prepare the reader for the structure of your essay.
Paragraph Structure
Improve paragraph structure by using clear topic sentences that reflect the main idea of each paragraph, followed by supporting sentences and a conclusion or a transition to the next idea.
Linking Words
Incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases to improve the flow of your essay. This includes connectors for adding information, contrasting points, and showing cause and effect.
Grammar and Spelling
Work on spelling, grammar, and punctuation accuracy to enhance clarity and professionalism. Frequent errors can detract from the credibility of your argument.
Engagement with Topic
You effectively engage with the essay topic, providing arguments for both sides of the issue, which demonstrates good understanding.
Use of Examples
You provide specific examples to support your points, making your arguments more convincing.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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