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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Nowadays, there is a trend of people being able to get copyrighted products of books and music easily from the Internet. Do the advantage outweigh disadvantage?

In
this
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 day and age,
people
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 can access copyrighted books or soundtracks via technological advancements at no cost.
This
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 writer asserts that even though
people
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 will benefit from
this
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 advancement in terms of accessibility, the drawback of revenue loss for
creators
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coupled with
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 security risks
outweigh
Correct subject-verb agreement
outweighs
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 the upside. One significant concern is the financial loss that
creators
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 face when copyrighted books and music are freely accessible online. Explicitly, producers invest considerable time and
efforts
Fix the agreement mistake
effort
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 in order to deliver high-quality products,
while
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also
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 viewing it as a potential source of profit.
Moreover
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,
by
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apply
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obtaining copyrighted
materials
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 without authorization,
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this
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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can deprive authors of their rightful income and recognition. Thereby,
creators
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 become discouraged
to publish
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from publishing
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 new content because of a lack of resources to sustain their work and improve their living standards. Focusing on how
this
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 trend can pose significant security threats. In essence, cybercriminals tend to exploit the Internet by creating counterfeit websites that mimic illegitimate sources of copyrighted content. Whereby, when individuals visit these dubious sources, they unwittingly expose their personal information or financial details to malicious actors.
Thus
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,
people
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 will turn into victims of identity theft or scams which can severely disrupt their daily lives.
Conversely
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,
,
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apply
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some argue that modern technology makes copyrighted
materials
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 more affordable to everyone.Specifically,it becomes easy for
people
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 to freely browse
into
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apply
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these copyrighted
materials
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 regardless of financial background.
While
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this
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 may be true
but
Correct word choice
apply
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accessing copyrighted
materials
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 without proper authorization is limited and illegal in
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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people
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 may be predisposed to severe legal repercussions, including substantial fines and penalties for copyright infringement.
Therefore
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, despite the perceived accessibility benefits, the legal and ethical implications make unauthorized access to copyrighted
materials
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 problematic. In conclusion, the ease of accessing copyrighted books and music online undoubtedly enhances accessibility.
However
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, it is outweighed by the negative impacts on
creators
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' financial well-being associated
individual
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with individual
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 privacy.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which is great. However, the transition between paragraphs could be smoother. Try using more linking words and phrases to guide the reader more effectively through your argument.
task achievement
You have addressed the task by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of accessing copyrighted materials online. However, a few more specific examples would strengthen your point further. For instance, mentioning specific cases of artists or authors affected by piracy could make your argument more compelling.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay demonstrates a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. This helps in presenting your ideas logically and effectively.
task achievement
You discuss both the advantages and disadvantages thoroughly, showing a balanced view on the topic. This indicates a complete response to the task.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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