Nowadays, there is a trend of people being able to get copyrighted products of books and music easily from the Internet. Do the advantage outweigh disadvantage?

In
this
day and age,
people
can access copyrighted books or soundtracks via technological advancements at no cost.
This
writer asserts that even though
people
will benefit from
this
advancement in terms of accessibility, the drawback of revenue loss for
creators
coupled with
security risks
outweigh
Correct subject-verb agreement
outweighs
show examples
the upside. One significant concern is the financial loss that
creators
face when copyrighted books and music are freely accessible online. Explicitly, producers invest considerable time and
efforts
Fix the agreement mistake
effort
show examples
in order to deliver high-quality products,
while
also
viewing it as a potential source of profit.
Moreover
,
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
obtaining copyrighted
materials
without authorization,
this
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
can deprive authors of their rightful income and recognition. Thereby,
creators
become discouraged
to publish
Change preposition
from publishing
show examples
new content because of a lack of resources to sustain their work and improve their living standards. Focusing on how
this
trend can pose significant security threats. In essence, cybercriminals tend to exploit the Internet by creating counterfeit websites that mimic illegitimate sources of copyrighted content. Whereby, when individuals visit these dubious sources, they unwittingly expose their personal information or financial details to malicious actors.
Thus
,
people
will turn into victims of identity theft or scams which can severely disrupt their daily lives.
Conversely
,
,
Change the punctuation
apply
show examples
some argue that modern technology makes copyrighted
materials
more affordable to everyone.Specifically,it becomes easy for
people
to freely browse
into
Change preposition
apply
show examples
these copyrighted
materials
regardless of financial background.
While
this
may be true
but
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
accessing copyrighted
materials
without proper authorization is limited and illegal in
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
people
may be predisposed to severe legal repercussions, including substantial fines and penalties for copyright infringement.
Therefore
, despite the perceived accessibility benefits, the legal and ethical implications make unauthorized access to copyrighted
materials
problematic. In conclusion, the ease of accessing copyrighted books and music online undoubtedly enhances accessibility.
However
, it is outweighed by the negative impacts on
creators
' financial well-being associated
individual
Change preposition
with individual
show examples
privacy.
Submitted by Nghỉ hè vui vẻ cả nhà on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which is great. However, the transition between paragraphs could be smoother. Try using more linking words and phrases to guide the reader more effectively through your argument.
task achievement
You have addressed the task by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of accessing copyrighted materials online. However, a few more specific examples would strengthen your point further. For instance, mentioning specific cases of artists or authors affected by piracy could make your argument more compelling.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay demonstrates a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. This helps in presenting your ideas logically and effectively.
task achievement
You discuss both the advantages and disadvantages thoroughly, showing a balanced view on the topic. This indicates a complete response to the task.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Ultimate Speaking practice for IELTS

Practice speaking step by step, answer real-life questions, and build your confidence. Start your free trial and improve your speaking skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!