IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think that good health is very important to every person, so medical services should not be run by profit-making companies. Do the advantages of private health care outweigh the disadvantages?

In today’s fast-paced society, maintaining good health has become a top priority for many individuals.
As a result
Linking Words
, the demand for
healthcare
Use synonyms
services
Use synonyms
 is increasing rapidly.
This
Linking Words
 trend has led to the rise of numerous private companies offering medical care.
While
Linking Words
 some argue that
healthcare
Use synonyms
 should not be profit-driven, others believe that private
healthcare
Use synonyms
 brings significant advantages.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss both perspectives and evaluate whether the benefits of private medical
services
Use synonyms
 outweigh their drawbacks. On the one hand, private
healthcare
Use synonyms
 systems, with the help of well-qualified
healthcare
Use synonyms
 providers, are often associated with a high level of quality, which public
healthcare
Use synonyms
 infrastructures cannot always satisfy.
Moreover
Linking Words
, facilities,
along with
Linking Words
 cutting-edge technologies, would be another strength that private
healthcare
Use synonyms
 organisations usually emphasise. Patients who pay a large amount of money to get access to high-quality treatment in return.
This
Linking Words
 can bring them more privileges and dedication than they might have expected. Alternatively, the more beneficial something is, the more drawbacks it can cause. When it comes to profit-driven motives, we can easily see examples in many private clinics where doctors raise prices, but the
services
Use synonyms
 do not meet patients’ expectations. To maximise profits, in the name of offering personalised
services
Use synonyms
, medical professionals even keep patients under treatment for a long time without providing absolutely effective medications.
Last
Linking Words
 but not least, the private
healthcare
Use synonyms
 industry has raised the issues of unequal access to essential care
services
Use synonyms
 among the general populace, resulting in specialised care that puts profit ahead of human welfare.
Overall
Linking Words
, private
healthcare
Use synonyms
services
Use synonyms
 are undeniably necessary in our daily lives.
Although
Linking Words
 the high cost makes them unaffordable for many people, they remain highly valuable for those who are able to afford their
healthcare
Use synonyms
 needs.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task
Be clear on your main view. Say if you think private health care is better or worse, and then give why.
coherence
Use one clear idea in each paragraph and add a short link to the next idea.
coherence
Use simple words to show contrast, like but, yet, however, and give reasons.
grammar
Check grammar. Split long sentences into two simple parts.
structure
End with a clear last line that shows your view.
content
The essay shows both sides of the issue.
structure
There is an introduction and a conclusion.
content
It talks about cost and access as main points.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: