Too much emphasis is given for education of the young. More government money should be spent to free time activity of young people

#emphasis #education #government #money #time #activity #people

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Free time activities after

study

Wrong verb form

studying

show examples

at school

Correct subject-verb agreement

are

show examples

becoming

all – pervasive

Add a hyphen

all-pervasive

show examples

this

Linking Words

modern world than ever before.

However

Linking Words

, there remains

certain

Correct article usage

a certain

show examples

discrepancy as to whether the total impacts of these

form

Fix the agreement mistake

forms

show examples

of animation

and

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

should be considered by the governing authorities. I will extend my opinion in the following paragraphs. First and foremost, life is full of stress, especially as a student. Our brain cannot focus specific subject for a long age. In other

worlds

Correct your spelling

words

show examples

, there should be

balance

Correct article usage

a balance

show examples

for both study and spare age. It should be pointed out that, all scholars must not only focus on their educational goals to reach them but

also

Linking Words

assign times for their recreation date.

Hence

Linking Words

free day

Add a hyphen

free-day

show examples

action has significant benefits on

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

individual growth which cannot be ignored.

Consequently

Linking Words

, appeals for

investry

Correct your spelling

invest

investors

invests

more in entertainment and other facilities seem to be true. In the present day, some schools and

institution

Fix the agreement mistake

institutions

show examples

allocate money for recreation and leisure time movements

while

Linking Words

it costs

wide

Correct article usage

a wide

show examples

range of money to provide

such

Linking Words

things, the advantages of

this

Linking Words

are

also

Linking Words

more.

Therefore

Linking Words

, the results are very satisfying, students can do their homework

Change preposition

apply

show examples

there, spend their

date

Fix the agreement mistake

dates

show examples

peers

Change preposition

with peers

show examples

Correct word choice

and share

show examples

their

emotion

Fix the agreement mistake

emotions

show examples

with friends. So

that

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

, the more one

focus

Correct subject-verb agreement

focuses

show examples

to study

Change preposition

on studying

show examples

, the more fore era should be considered In conclusion, even though it is undeniable progression of form education could lead to a number of negative effects. I strongly believe that

this

Linking Words

free point

Add a hyphen

free-point

show examples

reaction breakthrough

would

Wrong verb form

will

show examples

one day be indispensable to the human societies

Wed Jun 05 2024

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coherence cohesion

Work on improving sentence structure and grammar to make the essay easier to read and understand. For example, replace phrases like 'specific subject for a long age' with 'specific subject for a long time.'

task achievement

It's important to provide specific examples to support your arguments. For instance, rather than just mentioning 'free day action has significant benefits,' provide an example of a benefit.

coherence cohesion

While your introduction and conclusion are present, try to make them more engaging and clear. For example, rephrase the conclusion to directly summarize your main points with clearer language.

task achievement

You have made a clear effort to balance the importance of education with the need for leisure activities, which shows an understanding of the topic from multiple perspectives.

coherence cohesion

Your essay provides a structure that includes an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which helps in organizing your thoughts.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
23
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

251 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

overemphasis
burnout
well-being
mental health
social inclusion
non-academic skills
recreational facilities
antisocial behaviors
extracurricular activities
diverse interests
personal growth
real-world skills
intellectual society
undue stress
teamwork
societal development

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Too much emphasis is given for education of the young. More government money should be spent to free time activity of young people

Fully explain your ideas

It is important for all towns and cities to have large public outdoor places like squares and parks. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? You should write at least 250 words.

Universities should accept equal numbers of male and female students in every subject. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

You had a problem while staying at a hotel and the receptionist was very helpful. Write a letter to the manager of the hotel. In your letter, – describe the problem that you had – explain how the receptionist helped you – suggest ways to prevent the problem from happening again.

Many people say that universities should only offer places to young students with the highest marks, while others say they should accept people of all ages, even if they did not do well at school. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.