Too much emphasis is given for education of the young. More government money should be spent to free time activity of young people
Free time activities after
study
at school Wrong verb form
studying
is
becoming Correct subject-verb agreement
are
all – pervasive
in Add a hyphen
all-pervasive
this
modern world than ever before. However
, there remains certain
discrepancy as to whether the total impacts of these Correct article usage
a certain
form
of animation Fix the agreement mistake
forms
and
should be considered by the governing authorities. I will extend my opinion in the following paragraphs.
First and foremost, life is full of stress, especially as a student. Our brain cannot focus specific subject for a long age. In other Correct word choice
apply
worlds
, there should be Correct your spelling
words
balance
for both study and spare age. It should be pointed out that, all scholars must not only focus on their educational goals to reach them but Correct article usage
a balance
also
assign times for their recreation date. Hence
, free day
action has significant benefits on Add a hyphen
free-day
an
individual growth which cannot be ignored.
Correct article usage
apply
Consequently
, appeals for investry
more in entertainment and other facilities seem to be true. In the present day, some schools and Correct your spelling
invest
investors
invests
institution
allocate money for recreation and leisure time movements Fix the agreement mistake
institutions
while
it costs wide
range of money to provide Correct article usage
a wide
such
things, the advantages of this
are also
more. Therefore
, the results are very satisfying, students can do their homework in
there, spend their Change preposition
apply
date
Fix the agreement mistake
dates
peers
, Change preposition
with peers
share
their Correct word choice
and share
emotion
with friends. SoFix the agreement mistake
emotions
that
, the more one Correct word choice
apply
focus
Correct subject-verb agreement
focuses
to study
, the more fore era should be considered
In conclusion, even though it is undeniable progression of form education could lead to a number of negative effects. I strongly believe that Change preposition
on studying
this
free point
reaction breakthrough Add a hyphen
free-point
would
one day be indispensable to the human societiesWrong verb form
will
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coherence cohesion
Work on improving sentence structure and grammar to make the essay easier to read and understand. For example, replace phrases like 'specific subject for a long age' with 'specific subject for a long time.'
task achievement
It's important to provide specific examples to support your arguments. For instance, rather than just mentioning 'free day action has significant benefits,' provide an example of a benefit.
coherence cohesion
While your introduction and conclusion are present, try to make them more engaging and clear. For example, rephrase the conclusion to directly summarize your main points with clearer language.
task achievement
You have made a clear effort to balance the importance of education with the need for leisure activities, which shows an understanding of the topic from multiple perspectives.
coherence cohesion
Your essay provides a structure that includes an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which helps in organizing your thoughts.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.