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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The increasing availability of low-cost airlines now lets people travel around the world. Some feel this is a positive development while others think it is negative overall.

#availability #airlines #people #travel #world #feel #development
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It has become increasingly common that the accessibility of low-cost
airlines
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 nowadays makes it easier for citizens to take the journey to all corners of the
world
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. Before rendering my position, it is essential to explore both sides of the hot issue. On the one hand, more frequent travelling is one of the major causes of environmental damage, especially air pollution. The more people use the service of aeroplanes, the more severe the consequences of ozone layers are.
According to
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 some recent research, it has been shown that when an aeroplane flies, it releases a huge number of carbon dioxide which negatively affects the structure of Earth's protective layers.
As a result
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, we are endangered by inclement weather and unpredictable climate change.
In addition
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, the growing of high demand in terms of travelling by aeroplane can
also
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 result in unbalance in means of transport. As it offers a more reasonable price for airing
travel
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 which attracts many people, it obviously leads to an economic decline of other forms of transport.
On the other hand
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, despite the drawbacks of low-cost
airlines
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, it definitely still has some certain advantages.
To begin
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 with, one positive aspect of
this
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 development is the increased accessibility of
travel
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. In the past, air
travel
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 was mainly reserved for the wealthy and the middle class,
however
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, with the advance of low-cost
airlines
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, people come from all walks of life affordable to
travel
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 around the
world
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 with ease.
Furthermore
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, the accessibility of cheap-cost aeroplanes is a key to promoting globalization. Other countries around the
world
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 can easily connect through convenient air
travel
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 which is a very convenient manner.
As a result
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, the increase in low-cost
airlines
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 can be considered as a flexible transport that influences development for
world
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 efficiency. In conclusion, a cheap plane ticket has its benefits and drawbacks as it not only serves as a convenient choice for travelling but
also
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 opens the opportunity for cross-cultural exchange between regions.
Submitted by huyentrang712 on

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task achievement
You should try to include more specific examples and data to support your points. This will make your arguments more convincing and concrete.
coherence cohesion
Although your ideas are clear and comprehensive, you could benefit from organizing them into more distinct paragraphs. For example, one paragraph could be dedicated to the environmental impact, and another to economic consequences.
task achievement
You provided a balanced discussion by exploring both the positive and negative aspects of low-cost airlines.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is well-organized with a clear introduction and conclusion, which contributes to a coherent structure.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Accessibility
  • Affordability
  • Global mobility
  • Convenience
  • Environmental impact
  • Economic benefits
  • Cultural exchange
  • Enhanced connectivity
  • Drawbacks
  • Sustainable travel
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