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Writing Samples
Band 6

Many people decide on a career path early in their lives and keep to it. This they argue, leads to a more satisfying working life. To what extent do you agree with this view? What other things can people do in order to have a satisfying working life?

#people #career #path #lives #life
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It is thought by a selection of individuals that choosing a job earlier and staying on that track can help them become more elated and ecstatic about their jobs. From my perspective, I agree with
this
 notion and my supporting reasons;
as well as
, other ways to achieve
this
 idea in their working lives will be outlined before reaching a conclusion. At the outset, there are several reasons to support my opinion and the most crucial is that they will get faster career growth than those who still do not decide their paths. To elaborate
further
, when people get into a higher position, they will earn more income which covers all expenditures and they can purchase more items to indulge or reward themselves, making them feel happy and satisfied.
Moreover
, workers will gain more experience and knowledge and use them to
further
 their future careers.
For instance
, I have been working as a structural engineer at my workplace, since I finished my Bachelor's degree, and I have been promoted every year;
therefore
, I am now in a structural manager position which provides me with a massive salary so I can afford my own house.
In addition
, I will use
my
Change the word
the
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 knowledge that I have gained from
this
 workplace to request
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a
second class
Add a hyphen
second-class
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 engineer license from the Engineering Council before asking for the final class in the future. On the flip side,
it is clear that
 there are numerous ways to have a satisfying working life and one of the most significant ways is the state of well-being. To explain in greater detail, we have to look after our mental health and
thus
 always thinking positively and getting away from toxic colleagues are needed.
Furthermore
, people need to exercise and work out in order to stay in shape and maintain physical health. To specifically demonstrate, I always avoid some colleagues who try to bully or gossip
others
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about others
show examples
 as I think they will do the same to me in the future if we are still friends.
Additionally
, after a day is finished, I tend to go down to the gym and work out, keeping my body fit. All in all, it is undeniable that deciding
a
Change preposition
on a
show examples
career path early helps us to
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 impressive working life. From my point of view, I agree with
this
 notion as it offers us a number of benefits
such
 as a high salary, experience, knowledge, etc.
However
, there are a lot of methods to help individuals achieve
this
 successful life, namely, maintain their mental and physical health.
Submitted by nnatthinee on

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task achievement
While maintaining a positive state of well-being is emphasized, integrating more specific examples or studies can further substantiate your points. Including some variations in sentence structures can enhance clarity and prevent monotonous reading.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is generally well-organized, but consider using more explicit transitional phrases to guide the reader through your arguments. Focusing on maintaining a consistent point of view can further improve coherence.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction clearly states your perspective and what will be covered in the essay, which helps in setting the framework for your discussion.
task achievement
The essay includes personal examples that make your arguments relatable and convincingly demonstrate your points.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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