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Writing Samples
Band 7

The pie charts below show the class sizes in primary(elementary) schools in four states in Australia in 2010.

The pie charts below show the class sizes in primary(elementary) schools in four states in Australia in 2010.
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The pie charts illustrate the differences in the class sizes in primary schools in four
states
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 in
Australia
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, namely New South Wales, Western
Australia
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, Australian Capital Territory and Southern
Australia
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, in 2010. In spite of some differences, there existed many similarities
in
Change preposition
between
show examples
 New South Wales and Western
Australia
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. In both
states
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, the percentage of 26-30
students
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'
classes
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 was the largest, at 44% and 35% respectively. In the former state, the proportion of 20
students
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 or fewer was similar to 21-25
students
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'
classes
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, at around a quarter. It was true for the latter state, where both were about 30%.
However
Linking Words
, the situation in
Australian
Correct article usage
the Australian
show examples
 Capital Territory and Southern
Australia
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 was different from the
states
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 above. It was the 21-25
students
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'
classes
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 that stood out as the percentage was the largest,
in particular
Linking Words
 Southern
Australia
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, in which
this
Linking Words
 kind of class took up over 50%. And the proportion of 26-30
students
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'
classes
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 in both
states
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 was similar (each being approximately
one third
Add a hyphen
one-third
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).
By contrast
Linking Words
, the proportion of 20
students
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 or fewer in the former state was half of the latter.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
the
Correct article usage
a
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 class size of more than 30
students
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 was the least popular in all 4
states
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.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 70%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words states, australia, students, classes with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "differences" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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