IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

It is always wrong to keep animals in captivity, for instance in zoos’. How far do you share this view?

#animals #captivity #zoos’
It is believed that keeping
animals
 in
zoos
 is always wrong. I personally agree with
this
 statement for some reasons that I will elaborate more
below
Change preposition
on below
show examples
.
Firstly
,
zoos
 create
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 unnatural way in which
animals
 live in
such
 places and eliminate their survival skills.
For example
, captive
animals
 do not need to hunt or raise offspring, and
this
 means that they are not living as nature intended.
Furthermore
, I believe that
animals
 probably suffer mentally when kept in captivity, even if their surroundings are spacious and similar to their natural habitat. Symptoms of mental issues range from repetitive
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
 to eating disorders, and these are often seen in captive
animals
.
Finally
, the financial resources spent on maintaining
zoos
 could be better allocated to in-situ conservation efforts. Protecting natural habitats and supporting wildlife reserves offer more sustainable and ethical ways to preserve species. I do appreciate the opposing view, which is that
zoos
 offer a secure and peaceful setting for rare
animals
. In many cases, the
animals
 would suffer from loss of habitat or poaching in the wild, and in
captivity
Add a comma
captivity,
show examples
 they are at least safe and able to breed successfully.
However
, I believe that
zoos
 add little to animal conservation, which is better served by preserving their habitat. In summary, it seems to me that keeping
animals
 in captivity is a wrong practice. I believe that
animals
 are better kept where they were born, out in the wild.
This
 will keep their natural
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
, ensure their mental health and contribute to the preservation of the ecosystem.
Submitted by k a l l a on

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task achievement
Your introduction is clear and sets the stage for a well-structured essay. Just make sure to broaden your range of examples to strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
You present your ideas logically, but make sure each paragraph has a clear, single focus to improve coherence.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a consistently logical structure, making it easy for the reader to follow your argument.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which frame your essay nicely and provide closure.
task achievement
Your ideas are clear and comprehensive, covering the main aspects of the topic effectively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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