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Band 5

MENU Some people think that keeping pets is good for children while others think it is dangerous and unhealthy. Which opinion do you agree with? Discuss both options and give examples

#menu #people #pets #children #options
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In recent times, there has been a significant rise in the number of people rearing
pets
Use synonyms
.
While
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 some claim that it is hazardous and not healthy to keep them, others argue that keeping
pets
Use synonyms
 has potential benefits
on
Change preposition
for
show examples
 kids.
This
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 essay will delve into both perspectives impartially,without
favouringone
Correct your spelling
favouring one
 side over the other. On one hand, those who advocate for keeping
pets
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 claim that
pets
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 offer companionship and friendship to children and a family as a whole, they argue that these domesticated animals can engage in physical activities with the youngsters
such
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 as playing a
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
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and taking walks with them, thereby, combating the desire to always opt for screen-based entertainment which can lead to
adoption
Add an article
the adoption
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 of
sedentary
Add an article
a sedentary
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 lifestyle.
Sedentary
Correct article usage
A sedentary
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 lifestyle has been linked to health and
mebtal
Correct your spelling
mental
 complication
such
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 as obesity, sleep disturbance and lack of social skills.
Moreover
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,
pets
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 can be trained to
be protect
Change the verb form
protect
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 kids against danger.
This
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 is an essential skill as it plays an
intrustmental
Correct your spelling
instrumental
 role in alleviating stress levels among caregivers in
an an
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 event that they face a dangerous situation.
Conversly
Correct your spelling
Conversely
, proponents against rearing
pets
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 claim that
pets
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 carry diseases and infectious that are contagious,
This
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 can pose a health hazard
on
Change preposition
to
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 minors whose immune
system
Fix the agreement mistake
systems
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is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 developing and cannot combat infection effectively.
Additionally
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, some
pets
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such
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 as dogs and cats can harbour parasites
such
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 as ticks which can bite these children leading to allergic reactions or serious illness. To address
this
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 issue,it is indispensable that pet owners oblige
to
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apply
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routine
vertinary
Correct your spelling
veterinary
 visits and immunisation. In conclusion, both arguments are valuable and the debate is complex, i firmly believe that there is
need
Correct article usage
a need
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 to strike a balance, it is undeniable that
pets
Use synonyms
offers
Change the verb form
offer
show examples
 a sense of security and companionship,
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however
Add a comma
however,
show examples
 the drawbacks of disease transmission cannot be undermined. Ultimately, the decision to keep
pets
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 solely depends on
individual's
Correct article usage
an individual's
show examples
 preference and circumstances.
Submitted by shantalesiyoni23 on

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task achievement
The essay discusses both sides of the argument and provides a conclusion. However, to improve task achievement, try to include more relevant and detailed examples to support the points made.
coherence cohesion
Make sure to proofread your essay for minor spelling and grammatical errors (e.g., 'mentbal' should be 'mental', 'conversly' should be 'conversely').
coherence cohesion
Enhance the clarity of your ideas by ensuring sentences flow smoothly from one to another. For example, unify points within paragraphs and employ more linking words for better cohesion.
introduction conclusion present
The essay presents a clear introduction and conclusion.
complete response
Attempts to cover both sides of the argument, showcasing an understanding of different perspectives.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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