IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Child labour is considered to be one of the most serious problems on the planet. What are the reasons why children find themselves in child labour and can be done to tackle this issue ?

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Child labour still exists in some
nations
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 for a wider range of offspring, which has been considered
as
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apply
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one of the most serious problems on Earth.
This
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 issue stems from legal potholes in the children’s law
system
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 and financial pressure, which could be mitigated by applying the following remedies.
To begin
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, there are various implicit reasons for child labour exploitation.
Firstly
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, in some
nations
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 regardless of the economic scale, if a family have suffered a tough material life, the parent would encourage their children to participate in manual occupations to cover their living expenses.
In particular
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, these poverty families do not have adequate financial resources to cover educational expenditures in academic institutions. In simple terms, they hard to cover their basic demands, including rental fees, electric and water bills or hospital invoices.
Secondly
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, there are some mistakes in the law
system
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 relevant to protecting the basic rights of children,
while
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 the complete
system
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 informs juveniles have
their
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the
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 right to study in educational institutions,
instead
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 of wasting time in sweatshop factories. Meanwhile, many multinational corporations have outsourced their manufacturing plants to undeveloped
nations
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 to streamline their labour expenditures.
For example
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, in some countries with incomplete legal cores, the capitalists prefer settling and excavating these judicial mistakes to use native cheap labourers disregarding how old years of their staffs are.
Nevertheless
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, encompassing the following remedies could solve
this
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 issue.
Initially
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, the authorities globally should discuss some potential measures to enhance the potholes in the legal
system
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 and improve adolescents' rights to achieve worldwide standards.
For example
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, developed
nations
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 should force their businesses to use the foreign workforce to follow their judicial local policies. In order for these businesses to obey local regulations, the government could require them to provide static reports about their workforce.
Furthermore
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, the state could encourage their economists to move to undeveloped
nations
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 to guide them in developing their economies.
For instance
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, some billionaires should promote their corporations by obeying the native adolescent's rules and contributing to the economic development of local
nations
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.
To conclude
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, poverty and children's law mistakes are the supreme causes of juvenile power exploitation,
however
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,
this
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 could be addressed by the collaboration of the governments, the authorities with business holders.

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task achievement
While the essay provides a comprehensive response and explores both causes and solutions of child labour adequately, there needs to be more coherence between examples and points made. For instance, the examples provided sometimes lack a direct link to the argument being discussed.
coherence cohesion
Improve logical flow between paragraphs and within them. Make sure each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. This enhances the reading experience and ensures that your ideas connect well.
coherence cohesion
Keep improving on linking your examples clearly to your main points. This ensures that your arguments are well-supported and convincing.
task achievement
Excellent job in thoroughly addressing both the causes and solutions to the issue of child labour. You've shown a deep understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear, logical structure with well-defined introduction and conclusion sections. This makes it easy for the reader to follow your arguments.
coherence cohesion
The main points are well-supported, with several details provided to back up the arguments made. This adds depth to your discussion.
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