IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

To succeed in a business, one needs to be good at maths. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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In recent years, it has been commonly believed that the better at
mathematics
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 at school, the more success in business
people
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 can achieve. The writer contends that being good at math helps
people
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 more in the financial sector because of fundamental
knowledge
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 in business and gifted intelligence.
Initially
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, it is crucial to understand that
knowledge
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 about
mathematics
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 may provide
people
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the
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with the
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 ability to deal with many struggles in the economic field. To explain in more detail, challenging problems associated with finance contain many statistics that need 
people
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 to analyze. To a certain extent, it requires individuals who possess professional skills in
mathematics
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 to understand these huge numbers so as to make a prediction about the future campaigns of companies.
For
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this
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 reason, these entrepreneurs will make a wise decision for their companies to make a big profit,
thus
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, becoming successful businessmen.  
Additionally
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, becoming a professional in the mathematical field is evidence that these
people
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 have greater cognitive skills.
Due to
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 the fact that economic
knowledge
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 necessitates these skills including logical thinking and intelligence from
people
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 to operate and implement in a realistic market.
Therefore
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, on
condition
Correct article usage
the condition
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 that
people
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 are good at math, they will be able to use their potential to understand information related to the economy extensively and
then
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 create more campaigns to gain more success. In conclusion, the writer emphasizes that one who specializes in math becomes more successful in business
due to
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 foundation
knowledge
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 in data analysis and talents.
Hence
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, it has been shown that
people
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 should pay more attention to
mathematics
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 if they want to be a successful entrepreneur.

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task achievement
Your essay successfully addresses the question and provides a clear argument for why being good at mathematics can lead to success in business. However, the examples could be more specific to illustrate your points better. For instance, mentioning a particular scenario or attributing success to well-known businessmen with strong mathematical backgrounds could enhance your argument.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is logically structured, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. To further improve coherence and cohesion, make sure that each paragraph transitions smoothly into the next. Using more transitional phrases could help in this regard.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction clearly presents the topic and your stance on it, setting the stage for the argument that follows.
logical structure
The essay maintains a clear and logical structure throughout, making it easy to follow your argument.
introduction conclusion present
The conclusion effectively summarizes your key points and reinforces your position.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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