IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The tendency that news reports in media focus on problems and emergencies rather than on positive developments is harmful for individuals and the society. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

#tendency #news #reports #media #focus #emergencies #developments #individuals #society
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In modern society, news concentrates on negative issues
instead
 of helpful information on social media platforms which has a fundamental effect on citizens. The writer agrees with
this
 statement for some reasons enhancing the personality of teenagers and society is ridiculous. It must be recognized that in the Information Age, there is a strong development in technology, especially the Internet. There is no doubt that depending on social media, human beings save time
also
 money to connect with others or get new information about different kinds of people.
However
, social matters becoming popular on networking sites because they attract the curiosity of individuals and update hot news quickly for officers who do not have time to surf the Internet.
As a result
, children may copy bad actions and fatal personalities if parents ignore them because of their hectic schedules. Another key support to
this
 problem is that governments cannot control all aspects of networking platforms.
This
 has led to the trend become a hacker harassing others through unwinding activities and those who seek to defame you on social networks
such
 as Facebook, Instagram, and Skyper in various ways.
For instance
, the proportion of losing accounts or stealing vital data is common nowadays, especially by followers for a long time.
Consequently
, the community is ridiculous because of negative problems
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 all ages. Taking everything into account, using social media is necessary for all ages, but avoiding fundamental emergencies is suitable for young ages.
Hence
, citizens should consider using networking sites as places.

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task achievement
Your essay touches on relevant ideas, but it could benefit from clearer articulation and more specific examples. For example, you mention the negative influence of social media on children, but providing specific instances would make your argument more convincing.
coherence cohesion
While your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, the ideas in the body paragraphs are somewhat disjointed and lack clear transitions. You could use more cohesive devices to ensure a smoother flow of ideas.
coherence cohesion
You express a commonly held view that negative news overshadows positive developments. However, try to structure your paragraphs with clear topic sentences followed by supporting evidence. This will make your essay more organized and impactful.
task achievement
Pay attention to sentence structure to avoid awkward phrasing. For example, "enhancing the personality of teenagers and society is ridiculous" is unclear. You might want to rephrase it to, "The overwhelming focus on negative news has harmful effects on teenagers and society."
task achievement
Your introduction effectively sets the stage for your essay by stating your agreement with the statement.
task achievement
You recognize the significance of technology and social media in the dissemination of news, which is a relevant point.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • news reports
  • media focus
  • negative news
  • positive developments
  • stress and anxiety
  • skewed perception of reality
  • world view
  • desensitization
  • pessimistic outlook
  • general public
  • mental well-being
  • proactive problem-solving
  • holistic view
  • informed decision-making
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