Having more money and less free time is better than earning less money and having more free time. Discuss both views and state your opinion.
Some say that
produce
large quantities of money as Wrong verb form
producing
weel
as having small intervals of Correct your spelling
well
relaxating
Correct your spelling
relaxation
relaxing
time
better
than earning less Add a missing verb
is better
of
Change preposition
apply
cash
with more leisure
time
. This
essay will discuss both of Correct article usage
the view
view
of a Fix the agreement mistake
views
couple
cases above with qualities or quantities relaxation periods and more or less Add the preposition
couple of
cash
on hand.
It is true having a
capital on Remove the article
apply
high
range Correct article usage
a high
make
individuals more enjoying their lives Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
despite
Correct quantifier usage
more despite
have
Change the verb form
having
low
range of Correct article usage
a low
leisure
time
. Moreover
, it can make them to
book Change the verb form
apply
extravegent
Correct your spelling
extravagant
holyday
to Correct your spelling
holiday
foreign
country and Add an article
a foreign
staying
for several days and Wrong verb form
stay
make
Verb problem
have
luxurious
experience there. Correct article usage
a luxurious
For instance
, my friend has only 14 days per year relaxating periode
because he spends more Correct your spelling
period
time
to work
in Change the verb form
working
onder
to lead their skill to higher steps despite he has high income than Correct your spelling
order
who
Correct pronoun usage
those who
has
little timework Correct subject-verb agreement
have
on
their lives. As Change preposition
in
the
result, he is the happiest Correct article usage
a
men
surrounding their area and has a high quality of Fix the agreement mistake
man
vocations
because he Fix the agreement mistake
vocation
earning
Wrong verb form
earns
large
Correct word choice
more
of
Change preposition
apply
cash
than others, even their
Correct word choice
though their
time
is limited.
On the other hand
, people also
believe has
less Wrong verb form
having
of
Change preposition
apply
cash
with more leisure
time
is better than opposite
because able to Correct article usage
the opposite
decreas
stress risk Correct your spelling
decrease
due to
high
of Correct article usage
the high
worklife
. Correct your spelling
life
For instance
, in Indonesia who are
choose to Unnecessary verb
apply
decreas
their Correct your spelling
decrease
time
work even earning less money, however
, Correct pronoun usage
who has
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
a large relaxation days
Correct the article-noun agreement
a large relaxation day
large relaxation days
is
happier than Correct subject-verb agreement
are
who
Correct pronoun usage
those who
has
a big income and less free Correct subject-verb agreement
have
time
because, they have
a Verb problem
experience
bigger
stress experience caused by pressure from their occupation, Correct word choice
greater
therefore
, Indonesian peoples more choose large leisure
time
as weel as have less of cash
than opposite.
In conclusion, I personally thing
that Correct your spelling
think
have
more Wrong verb form
having
cash
even
Correct word choice
and even
less
relaxation periods is better than Change the quantifier
fewer
opposite
. The important is how to organize our income to utilize small periods of Correct article usage
the opposite
leisure
to make unforgettable memories with cash
we own.Correct article usage
the cash
Submitted by patricius.yohanes on
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grammar
Improve grammar and vocabulary to enhance the clarity of your ideas. For instance, "extravegent holyday" should be "extravagant holiday" and "relaxating periode" should be "relaxation period."
coherence
Enhance the logical flow of your sentences and ideas. Ensure that each paragraph links smoothly to the next. For instance, your introduction could more smoothly lead into your first main point.
task achievement
Provide more detailed examples and explanations for your points. This will make your argument stronger. For instance, explain more about how having less money and more free time can reduce stress levels.
task response
You've successfully addressed both perspectives in the essay.
coherence cohesion
Your essay includes a clear introduction and conclusion.
task response
You have attempted to use examples to support your points, which is good for illustrating your arguments.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.