Parents are putting a lot of pressure on their children to succeed. What are the reasons for this? Is it a positive or negative development?
It is common nowadays that
children
are put under numerous pressures by their parents
to succeed. The writer, however
, advocates that this
stems from ensuring children
's job prospects and cultural purposes. In light of this
, it is clear a negative development as it brings mental problems for their child.
It must be acknowledged that all caregivers want their children
to become successful. This
can happen only if they put a frequent strain on their child and they will get used to those burdens in the long-term. As a consequence
, not only teenagers can put up with work pressure in the future but also
gain more discipline in their lifestyle, which are the basic needs of one employee to gain promotions in their job, thus
having a decent salary and becoming a successful individual.
Another point that should be taken into consideration is cultural norms. That is
to say, ancestors believe that parents
or caregivers are the most important factors for their offspring's success. If not, they will be regarded as irresponsible parents
. Considering this
, they must implement stringent disciplinary measures, placing significant responsibility on their offspring to ensure they are not judged unfavourably by others. This
is true in Vietnam where a prevalence of parents
apply strict rules consist
of burdens to their Correct pronoun usage
that consist
children
to satisfy cultural concepts.
The writer, nonetheless
, contends that this
teaching style can harm offspring's mental health. To be more specific, the common action of putting pressure on their child can lead to disorder in psychological thought as at this
age they want to be more independent rather than obey strict rules and many burdens. Consequently
, children
will end up with stress symptoms or are willing to against their parent's rules.
To conclude
, the act of putting strain on children
comes from the wish to become successful and the concept of culture. Utterly, it is a negative development as parents
will bring mental problems for their children
.Submitted by Nghỉ hè vui vẻ cả nhà on
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coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps in achieving a coherent structure. However, try to make a smoother transition between some paragraphs to further improve the flow.
task achievement
Ensure your main points are consistently supported with specific and relevant examples. While the cultural point about Vietnam is good, it would be helpful to add more specific details or examples in other sections as well.
task achievement
Some sentences could be rephrased for better clarity. For instance, 'The writer, however, advocates that this stems from ensuring children's job prospects and cultural purposes.' could be rephrased to 'I believe that this pressure stems from parents wanting to ensure their children's job prospects and due to cultural expectations.'
task achievement
Your essay addresses both parts of the question effectively, discussing reasons for the pressure and its positive or negative impact.
coherence cohesion
You have used some good linking words and phrases (e.g., 'it must be acknowledged', 'another point that should be taken into consideration', 'to conclude').
task achievement
The example of cultural norms in Vietnam is relevant and adds depth to your argument.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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