IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some argue that schools should prioritize life skills such as working in teams and solving problems instead of traditional academics. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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There is a view that
schools
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 should cover soft
skills
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 rather than ordinary education.
While
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 some
people
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 argue that those
skills
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 are very important to the
career
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 of
people
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, I believe, the current subjects which are taught at
schools
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 are essential to both daily and
career
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 life. Today knowing the field knowledge is not enough to achieve a good
career
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 pathway, because competition among colleagues is very high.
That is
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 why,
people
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 who know soft
skills
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 like communication, teamwork and problem-solving can move upward in their job.
For example
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, nowadays jobs like banking and sales have become very popular and they mainly depend on communication with clients and solving the problems faced during the process. For that reason, many
people
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 think that these
skills
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 should be taught in
schools
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instead
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 of ordinary ones. Traditional academics are
also
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 essential to start a
career
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,
such
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 as without specific knowledge in the field
people
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 can not enter the university which is the first step of building a
career
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.
For instance
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, the basis of finance or economy is math or to become a doctor
people
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 need to learn biology and chemistry.
Furthermore
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, those subjects
also
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 help us in our daily lives,
for example
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,
while
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 riding a bike we need to know physics to keep the balance or math helps us to measure something.
Thus
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, traditional education should be taught. In conclusion,
although
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, life
skills
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 are important to build a
career
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, I believe
schools
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 should keep the balance between them, because of the role of the traditional subjects in our life.

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Task Achievement
Your introduction presents your viewpoint clearly, but consider making it more engaging or nuanced to capture the reader's attention better.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use transitions to link your ideas more effectively. For example, you can use phrases like 'on the one hand' and 'on the other hand' to clarify your contrasting views more distinctly.
Task Achievement
Consider elaborating more on how traditional academic subjects can help develop life skills as this would provide a stronger link between your views.
Task Achievement
Your essay reflects a clear position on the topic and shows a balanced view by addressing both perspectives.
Task Achievement
The examples provided are relevant and illustrate your points well, enhancing the clarity of your arguments.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Prioritize
  • Life skills
  • Traditional academics
  • Teamwork
  • Problem-solving
  • Holistic education
  • Real-world challenges
  • Soft skills
  • Intellectual growth
  • Balanced education
  • Comprehensive skill set
  • Core subjects
  • Vocational training
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