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Writing Samples
Band 6

Topic: some parents buy their children a large number of toys to play\ with. What are the advantages and disadvantages for the children of having a large number of toys?

#topic #parents #children #toys #play\
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Some
parents
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 are purchasing a large number of playthings for their kids. In
this
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 essay, I will discuss the positive and negative sides of providing many
toys
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 for
children
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. On the one hand,
toys
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 are necessary for a
child
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,especially at
the
Correct article usage
a
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 young age. It helps to improve their touch sensation and
cogintive
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cognitive
 functions. Some kinds of
toys
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 help in exploring and developing hobbies
such
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 as drawing and painting.
Furthermore
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, some games improve communication skills
as well as
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 video games.
For example
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, coloured cubes may help a
child
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 to hold and arrange the cube in the right way.
On the other hand
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,
parents
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 must know the needs of their
children
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 and which plaything they prefer. Because the presence of many
toys
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 may distract them and within time it will become useless, so
parents
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 must realize their
children
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's needs
as well as
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 provide
toys
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 that are suitable to their age and their level of awareness and thinking.
In addition
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, the existence of multiple
toys
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 can change a
child
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's behaviour and reduce his social communication with others.
However
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 , it's important to let our
children
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 participate in activities that depend on movement , physical contact and sharing with others to encourage their communication skills.
For instance
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, playing football with other kids or swimming is more beneficial for young
children
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more
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apply
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than
toys
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. In conclusion,
parents
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 are responsible for affording anything for their
children
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, they
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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also
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 play a major role in their lives. So they are responsible for choosing a good toy
that is
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 suitable for their
child
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's age and must understand once their
child
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 becomes older
this
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 toy will become useless over time.
Toys
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 are crucial in improving focusing , learning and sensation
as well as
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 filling their leisure time.
Submitted by afnan.sa1992 on

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task response
Ensure a more balanced discussion of both the advantages and disadvantages, giving equal weight to both sides.
task response
Add more clear and detailed examples to support the main points discussed. This will make your arguments more persuasive and concrete.
coherence and cohesion
Work on improving the logical flow between paragraphs. Use more transition words to connect your ideas smoothly.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid minor grammatical errors and ensure smooth sentence structures to improve overall readability.
task response
You have presented both advantages and disadvantages in a well-organized manner, which shows a good understanding of the topic.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion effectively frame the essay, providing a clear entry point and summary of your arguments.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • enhanced creativity
  • motor skill development
  • educational benefits
  • social skills
  • overstimulation
  • cognitive abilities
  • fine motor skills
  • gross motor skills
  • sharing and cooperation
  • shorter attention spans
  • lack of value
  • gratitude and appreciation
  • environmental impact
  • non-recyclable materials
  • materialistic values
  • sense of entitlement
What to do next:
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