IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

In some countries young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this.

In some parts of the
world
Use synonyms
, high
school
Use synonyms
 graduates are encouraged to take a gap
year
Use synonyms
 before entering
universities
Fix the agreement mistake
university
show examples
.
While
Linking Words
 there
some
Verb problem
are some
show examples
 arguments against the idea, from what I view, I will always support youngsters to take a
year
Use synonyms
 off before going back to
further
Linking Words
 study. First of all, a youngster at the age of 18 is typically holding much curiosity for the
world
Use synonyms
. How
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society runs, what forms the system,
what
Correct word choice
and what
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organizations
Change the spelling
organisations
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 are responsible for certain sectors
are
Verb problem
apply
show examples
remain unknown to them since these are not the normal knowledge taught at
school
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. Before studying for a degree, they should have the chance to have a more complete understanding of these questions
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 that’s why having a gap
year
Use synonyms
 is an ideal choice.
Secondly
Linking Words
, high schoolers usually don’t know what they
true
Replace the word
truly
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 crave
for
Change preposition
in
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 life.
In addition
Linking Words
, with society and technology constantly developing, they are now living in
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
world
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 that might change every minute.
Instead
Linking Words
 of getting involved in another
school
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 program immediately after high
school
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 education, taking a step back and hearing their inner voices is significant for them before making final decisions.
Last
Linking Words
 but not least, universities aren’t the same as 30 years ago that working in the major one graduates from for
lifetime
Correct article usage
a lifetime
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 is getting rarer. The programs and majors are often
canceled
Change the spelling
cancelled
show examples
 or changed after one or two academic years
just
Punctuation problem
, just
show examples
 because they need to adapt to the changes
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
environment
Correct article usage
the environment
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 and economy.
This
Linking Words
, inevitably, would lead to confusion for students who want to
enroll
Change the spelling
enrol
show examples
 in the
school
Use synonyms
. In my opinion, taking only one
year
Use synonyms
 off is not adequate for young people.
Instead
Linking Words
, 2 to 3 years might be just enough for them to figure out what
in
Punctuation problem
, in
show examples
 the long
term
Punctuation problem
term,
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 a major and career development
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 valuable. In conclusion, after finishing high
school
Use synonyms
, young men and women should spend at least a
year
Use synonyms
to explore
Wrong verb form
exploring
show examples
 how the
world
Use synonyms
 runs, what they truly want and the most long-lasting career path they want to choose.

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content/organization
Your view is clear. You talk about why a gap year can be good and you give reasons. To grow, add more facts and keep the ideas tied to a steady plan.
grammar
Fix mistakes in grammar and word choice. Examples: 'While there some arguments' should be 'While there are some arguments'; 'are remain unknown' should be 'remain unknown'; 'what they true crave' should be 'what they truly crave'.
task response
Make your task response stronger by giving more balance. Say both good and bad things, with a clear view in the end.
coherence
Link ideas better. Use simple join words like 'first', 'also', 'but', 'however', 'as a result' to show how ideas go from one to the next.
structure
The essay has a clear plan with an intro, body and end.
content
There is a steady view in favour of a gap year.
content
Some ideas on growth and change in school and work.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Cultural immersion
  • Life experience
  • Work ethic
  • Career readiness
  • Self-discovery
  • Delayed gratification
  • Intellectual stagnation
  • Financial implications
  • Social dynamics
  • Academic trajectory
What to do next:
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