IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people say that to prevent illness and disease, governments should focus more on reducing environmental pollution and housing problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#people #illness #disease #governments #focus #pollution
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A chunk of residents claim to restrict epidemic and widespread
disease
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, authorities ought to concentrate much more on mitigating surrounding contamination and household
issues
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.
This
Linking Words
 writer firmly agrees that alleviating environmental pollutants and housing problems can contribute to establishing non-toxic residential areas and encourage
people
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 to obey
this
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 method so as to raise
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 self-awareness of preserving the environment. Protecting
people
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 from
illness
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 and
disease
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 by minimising harmful substances or housing
issues
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 can create a green zone for local dwellers.
In other words
Linking Words
,
this
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 solution is the approach of getting
people
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 away from being affected by rabies
due to
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 the no more gas emission or abuse in buildings,
therefore
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 the tendency of renovating to a safe area seems to be possible.
As a result
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,
people
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 are relieved that the number of diseases will
a
Correct article usage
apply
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decline and
also
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 enhance the solidarity between residents to help erect the comfort zone.
For instance
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, the UK
have
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has
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 utilized a campaign to decrease toxic substances and household problems in order to form high-quality living conditions for every individual and ensure that there exists no more
illness
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 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society. Another benefit of reducing pollution and stopping household
issues
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 is developing the self-esteem of each dweller in terms of conserving environmental sites. To explain
further
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, as soon as
people
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 observe the governments implementing an adequate solution to hinder individuals from
illness
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 and
disease
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, there will be a trend of being a copycat and
following
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this
Linking Words
 concept to maintain a sustainable environment or the problems will become more disservice, unpredictable to solve.
Consequently
Linking Words
, many contaminated areas have intervention from not only the local authorities but
also
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 local
people
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, so the influence of
disease
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 disappears in a hurry and there is no more liberating or erecting. Taking China as a prime example, the government have set up a scheme to protect the negative environment, because of these intriguing activities,
this
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 stimulates the Chinese to follow the methodology to analyze the core causes and figure out the route to address
this
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 problem. In conclusion, the work of easing pollution and housing-related
issues
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 can create new eco-friendly sections and increase the perception of
people
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 who recognize the severe consequences of
illness
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 and
disease
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 and want to address that.
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task achievement
You have provided a complete response to the task and covered the main points adequately. However, work on expressing your ideas more clearly and concisely to improve comprehension.
coherence cohesion
While your essay has a logical structure, some points need further support and clarity. For example, clarify how reducing environmental pollution directly results in fewer illnesses.
general
There are some inaccuracies in language and expression that slightly hinder the effectiveness of your argument. Focus on reducing grammar and lexical errors such as inappropriate word usage (e.g., 'liberating or erecting').
task achievement
You have successfully addressed the topic and provided relevant examples to support your points, showing a clear understanding of the issue.
coherence cohesion
Your essay follows a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, making it easy to follow your argument.
task achievement
Your use of specific examples from different countries to support your argument is commendable and adds depth to your essay.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • preventive healthcare
  • environmental regulations
  • respiratory diseases
  • public health policies
  • sanitation facilities
  • urban planning
  • communicable diseases
  • socio-economic factors
  • sustainable development
  • government intervention
  • healthcare infrastructure
  • industrial emissions
  • air quality index
  • affordable housing
  • mental wellbeing
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