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Band 7.5

Some people have the opinion that big shopping malls are expensive places as they offer high costs for the products which can be bought at much cheaper prices from local shops. On the other hand, some people think that such malls are absolutely the best places to visit for shopping. Discuss both the opinions and give your own opinion.

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Opponents of shopping
malls
 argue that they are not affordable as you can find the same products for a low cost in local stores. Whilst proponents claim that if you want to have the best shopping experience you should choose shopping
malls
.
While
 both views have their own good points, I agree with a second point of view. It is undeniable that local stores may offer the same products for a convenient price in comparison to
malls
.
Besides
, their products are almost the same as famous
brands
 that can be found in
malls
. They are so realistic that you cannot tell the difference.
Moreover
, these shops are mainly situated in a close vicinity of our houses, so you do not have to take a long bus trip to go to the city centre.
Additionally
,
malls
 tend to be packed with a lot of people regardless of the day of the week. Sometimes it is impossible to walk peacefully there because of the crowd.
Nevertheless
, despite the abovementioned reasons, a shopping mall is a better choice for a number of plausible reasons.
Firstly
, they offer you a wide range of
brands
in contrast
 to small boutiques.
In addition
 to
this
, not all
brands
 are as pricey as it is thought to be. You can find anything from T-shirts to dresses for an affordable price.
Secondly
, people
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
not only go to these venues to buy something but
also
 want to take advantage of various facilities like restaurants, bookstores, and game centres, to name a few. These activities are no inseparable parts of the shopping experience,
therefore
 many people, including me pick
malls
 despite their disadvantages. In conclusion, local shops can be more advantageous in terms of price, but shopping
malls
 are preferable for high-quality
brands
 and extra places where you can relax after an exhausting shopping marathon.
Submitted by Dinare Abdullayeva on

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task achievement
Your essay contains clear and comprehensive ideas that address both sides of the argument well. However, you could improve by providing more specific examples to strengthen your points. For instance, mentioning real brands or mall names could add to the argument’s credibility and relatability.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of your essay is generally clear, but the transition between points could be smoother. Try using more linking words or phrases to connect your ideas to improve the flow.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are well-crafted, clearly conveying your stance on the issue and summarizing the main points effectively.
task achievement
Your ideas are articulated clearly and are easy to follow, which makes your essay engaging. Your balanced discussion of both viewpoints demonstrates a comprehensive understanding of the topic.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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