IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people think that it is more beneficial to take part in sports which are played in teams, like football, while other people think that taking part in individual sports, like tennis or swimming, is better. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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Some
individuals
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 argue that
team
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sports
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 are more beneficial than other sporting activities,
while
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 others maintain that individual
sports
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 offer numerous benefits. In my opinion,
team
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sports
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 can improve some unique
skills
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,
such
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 as interpersonal
skills
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, which one cannot acquire by playing solo.
Team
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 play can improve some essential social
skills
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;
therefore
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,
people
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 claim it is the most beneficial type of sport. In their day-to-day
lives
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,
individuals
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 play different roles in their professional and personal
lives
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, which require some basic social
skills
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 like communication, understanding, leadership, etc. Participating in a game that fosters teamwork can enhance these
skills
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, making them practically applicable in real-life situations. Studies have evaluated these social
skills
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 in relation to sporting experiences, showing that
individuals
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 who participate in
team
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sports
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 tend to excel in professional activities like customer service, marketing, business, engineering design, and more.
Furthermore
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, they have the ability to overcome situations in their personal
lives
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,
such
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 as understanding family and connecting with friends.
Therefore
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, I consider these interpersonal
skills
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 from
team
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sports
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 to be more valuable
due to
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 their direct application in social life.
On the other hand
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, individual
sports
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 are good for achieving a strong mindset, as some
people
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 view it. Individual
sports
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 require strong-minded
individuals
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 to possess qualities
such
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 as self-motivation, stress management, and independence, all of which are crucial in personal life.
People
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 are facing different problems in their
lives
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, and to address them, they need courage from themselves.
For example
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, some competitive examinations, interviews, and presentations require these kinds of abilities.
However
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, I believe that
team
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sports
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 can improve these qualities to a reasonable extent. In conclusion,
team
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sports
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 are helpful
to increase
Change preposition
in increasing
show examples
 interpersonal
skills
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, as some
people
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, including myself, believe that they are more advantageous than individual
sports
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. Meanwhile, others hold the opposite view, arguing that solo
sports
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 are beneficial for improving a robust mindset.

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task achievement
Your essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic, and you address both sides of the argument. However, try to develop your points further with more detailed examples and explanations to enhance the depth of your argument.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that your paragraphs are logically sequenced and transitions between ideas are smooth. This will enhance the overall cohesion of your essay. Consider using more linking phrases and words to help guide the reader through your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which effectively frame your discussion.
task achievement
The main points in your essay are well-supported and relevant to the topic, demonstrating a strong understanding of the subject.
task achievement
You provide a balanced view by discussing both perspectives before presenting your own opinion.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • cooperation
  • team spirit
  • sense of belonging
  • community
  • leadership
  • trust
  • collective responsibility
  • dependency
  • self-reliance
  • self-discipline
  • goal setting
  • tailored development
  • flexibility
  • social support
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