IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people believe that it is wrong to keep animals in zoo. While others think that zoos are both entertaining and ecologically important. Discuss both views

#people #animals #zoo #zoos
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It is thought by a selection of individuals that animal captivity is bad and horrible
while
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 others believe that
zoos
Use synonyms
 bring happiness to society and improve the ecosystem. In
this
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 essay, both viewpoints will be outlined before reaching a conclusion. At the outset, it is undeniable that keeping creatures in
zoos
Use synonyms
 is wrong and one of the most significant reasons is cruelty. To elaborate
further
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, animals in these places will lose their instinct and behaviours
such
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 as hunting, feeding, etc.
Moreover
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, some
zoos
Use synonyms
 are cramped and uncomfortable, making wildlife lack freedom and liberty. An apt illustration of
this
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 is that I went to a newly open zoo
last
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 month, I saw a large and gigantic lion lying on a rock and
although
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 a zookeeper opened a side window to feed him, he was just sitting still and waiting for the food to throw in front of him because his cage was too small for him to roam around. On the flip side, there are several aspects why
zoos
Use synonyms
 are considered entertaining and ecologically important and the most crucial one is favourable conditions. To explain in greater detail, zookeepers who act as their new friends always play with them which in turn visitors find
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
cute and hilarious;
as well as
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, making those animals happy and elated .
Furthermore
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, some species are on the brink of extinction and
therefore
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 researchers in
zoos
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 can breed and rear them in the
zoos
Use synonyms
' laboratories. To specifically demonstrate, a lot of
zoos
Use synonyms
 in China are trying to save pandas by bringing them into
zoos
Use synonyms
 which allow visitors to watch the cuteness of the panda
while
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 playing with their friends or zookeepers.
In addition
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, laboratories in the
zoos
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 are used to breed these valuable and endangered species, helping them to remain on our earth. All in all, it is a fact that keeping creatures can be interpreted both ways, cruel or favourable. It depends on what aspects viewers are interested in, it is terrible if they want those animals to have freedom;
in contrast
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, if they want to see them happy and live longer,
zoos
Use synonyms
 are the only answer.
Submitted by nnatthinee on

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task achievement
While the essay effectively analyzes both viewpoints on the issue of zoos, ensure to use advanced vocabulary and varied sentence structures to further bolster your argument.
coherence
Strive to connect your ideas more cohesively by employing linking words and phrases throughout the paragraphs.
task response
The essay provides a comprehensive analysis of both perspectives, supported with relevant examples, and concludes with a balanced viewpoint.
coherence
The introduction and conclusion are clear and concise, giving a good summary of the discussion.
task achievement
Examples such as the anecdote about the lion at the zoo and the efforts to save pandas in China make the points more persuasive and credible.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • infringe
  • natural habitats
  • psychological well-being
  • stress and boredom
  • educational experiences
  • wildlife conservation
  • breeding programs
  • endangered species
  • ethical cost
  • virtual reality
  • nature documentaries
  • economic considerations
  • generate income
  • tourism
  • conservation efforts
  • funds
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