IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Nowadays, there is more and more competition for getting into university. Is this positive or negative development?

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These days,
competition
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 is increasing in order to enrol in
universities
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.
While
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 it has a positive side
so
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apply
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it is a chance to adapt to
competitive
Correct article usage
a competitive
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 atmosphere in the future but
this
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 trend can have a negative impact on
people
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 who have never been in
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 competitive environment. On the one hand, these days, in all kinds of
universities
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,
competition
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 is increasing, so students can have a chance to get a stable job and get a promotion. The benefit of
competition
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 is that
universities
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 can enhance their reputation. If
people
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 who study at the university compete with each other,
then
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 the winner or knowledgeable student is provided with a well-paid job, which can be a reason to compete with each other.
For example
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, almost all companies need humans who have been in a competitive atmosphere;
therefore
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, in the workplace,
people
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 should boost their experience with
competition
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.
On the other hand
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, there are some negative effects on
people
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. Some teenagers who try to enrol in
universities
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 will do badly in university exams; they will lose motivation.
In other words
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,
people
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 have goals, which shouldn't be temporary;
thus
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, any kinds of difficulties may hinder their ability to reach their great position since
competition
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 cannot positively affect society.
For example
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, in the USA, students who have never been in competitive areas may face some difficulties, which may lead them to lose their targets. In conclusion, there are both sides to the concept. I think it has beneficial effects
due to
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 the bright future of humans; it can badly influence
people
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 by avoiding their aims, so I consider it equally vital for the public.

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task achievement
Ensure all main points are well-supported and elaborated. A thorough examination of both positive and negative aspects with more specific examples would strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Work on crafting smoother transitions between ideas and paragraphs to improve the overall flow of the essay.
coherence cohesion
While the essay provides an introduction and conclusion, consider refining them to be more captivating and clearly link to the body paragraphs.
task achievement
The essay attempts to address both positive and negative aspects of university competition, showcasing an understanding of the topic complexity.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present and provide a framework for the argument.
task achievement
Relevant examples like the one about companies preferring individuals with competitive experience add weight to the argument.

Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • academic achievements
  • foster
  • culture of excellence
  • merit-based system
  • dedicated
  • educational institutions
  • quality education
  • future workforce
  • stress and pressure
  • fierce competition
  • mental health
  • anxiety
  • depression
  • burnout
  • tertiary education
  • less privileged backgrounds
  • exacerbate
  • social inequality
  • drives innovation
  • programs and facilities
  • overemphasis
  • creativity
  • critical thinking
  • ethical judgment
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