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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

At present times, the population of some countries include a relative number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantage outweigh the disadvantages?

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There is no denying the fact that today's global community ratio indicates a significant increase in the younger
generation
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 compared to
aged
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the aged
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 crowd. The majority of folks are in favour of
this
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 development
due to
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 its number of merits.
However
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, some of the folk highlight its demerits first. In my
further
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 paragraphs, the advantages and disadvantages of the same will be discussed.
Initially
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 with the benefits of the same, the first and
the
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apply
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foremost key benefit is that the younger
generation
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 means a young and energetic workforce which leaves a positive impact on a nation's economy.
For example
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 :- a nation whose populace includes 80
percent
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per cent
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 of young folk will have a better and
efficient
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more efficient
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 workforce compared to a population that has only 50
percent
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per cent
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. Another benefit of having a younger
generation
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 is that the
overall
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 expenditure of any government
such
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 as medical claims, pension expenditure and so on which is the responsibility of a government will be on the lower end, which helps any economy flourish. On its darker side, some of the drawbacks which make it problematic are,
first,
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a deficiency in the number of experienced folk in major fields ( military & space technology) will be experienced which will impact the quality of work outcomes.
For instance
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, experience is a key factor for a successful space mission.
secondly
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, any nation to be globally successful will need the diplomatic knowledge of geopolitics attained over years of experience.
Last
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 but not
the
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apply
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least, the concept of having a family will be
jeopordised
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jeopardised
jeopardized
 as social values are still existing today
due to
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 the older
generation
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, if not for them most of the youth will be scattered and will feel lonely. In conclusion to the above statement, neither its pros can be neglected nor its cons. It is a mixed bag of positives and negatives. in my opinion, the statement should not be underestimated.

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task achievement
Ensure that examples directly support your arguments and are specific enough to add value to your points.
task achievement
Develop your points further to provide a more comprehensive analysis. Try expanding on individual ideas within paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
Improve transitions between ideas to make your essay flow more smoothly.
coherence cohesion
Avoid using repetitive phrases like 'first and foremost' and 'in conclusion.' Opt for more varied and sophisticated linking words.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction clearly states the topic and sets the stage for discussing both advantages and disadvantages.
introduction conclusion present
Conclusion nicely encapsulates the debate without overly favoring one side, showing a balanced view.
complete response
You have identified and discussed both advantages and disadvantages systematically, which shows good understanding of the question.
relevant specific examples
The examples you provided are relevant, even though they could be more specific and detailed.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • demographic shift
  • dependency ratio
  • economic growth
  • public resources
  • workforce
  • healthcare and pensions
  • innovation
  • technological advancements
  • dynamic culture
  • social unrest
  • skills development
  • progressive policies
  • inclusive society
  • generational tensions
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